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Some people believe that tourists should accept social and environmental responsibility while others believe that tourists should not accept any responsibility all. What is your opinion? v.2

Some people believe that tourists should accept social and environmental responsibility while others believe that tourists should not accept any responsibility all. What is your opinion? v. 2
In recent decades tourists’ responsibility has been attracting a great deal of media attention due to its substantial impacts on the locals. Although the negligence of social and environmental responsibilities sounds reasonable, I think that they are the tourists’ liabilities. There are a multitude of benefits when it comes to the tourists’ social responsibility. First, High social responsibility is the effective medium of easier integration into the local communities. This would act as a contributor to visitors’ acquisition of more cultures and social norms, increasing their living experience. Second, Tourists’ acceptance of local customs could act as a deterrent for the misunderstanding or cultural clashes with the local denizens. For example, some American tourists have been murdered by some extreme religious zealots in Iran due to having insulted their Islamic statues. There are many advantages pertaining to tourists’ environmental responsibility. First, Visitors with high environmental liability would participate in some local green campaigns for the environment preservation. For instance, some foreign tourists in Hanoi have participated in many tree-planting crusades to restore many destroyed tropical forests, which has contributed remarkably to the environmental rehabilitation in Vietnam. In addition, Environmentally responsible visitors will substantially reduce the disposal of dirty trash or noxious chemicals to the local environment. In fact, this would act as an incentive for the decrease in the pollution as well as the water contamination, which improve the living standards of the nearby residents. In conclusion, I believe that social and environmental liabilities are the foundational elements in tourism due to some specific benefits in terms of mutual understanding and environment protection.
In recent decades
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
has been attracting a great deal of media attention due to its substantial impacts on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
. Although the negligence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
sounds reasonable, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists’
liabilities.

There are a multitude of benefits when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
.
First
, High
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
is the effective medium of easier integration into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
communities. This would act as a contributor to visitors’ acquisition of more cultures and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
norms, increasing their living experience. Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Tourists’
acceptance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
customs could act as a deterrent for the misunderstanding or cultural clashes with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
denizens.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
American
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
have
been murdered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extreme religious zealots in Iran due to having insulted their Islamic statues.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages pertaining to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
.
First
, Visitors with high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
liability would participate in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
green campaigns for the environment preservation.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
in Hanoi have participated in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tree-planting crusades to restore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
tropical forests, which has contributed
remarkably
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
rehabilitation in Vietnam.
In addition
,
Environmentally
responsible visitors will
substantially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the disposal of dirty trash or noxious chemicals to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
environment. In fact, this would act as an incentive for the decrease in the pollution
as well
as the water contamination, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the living standards of the nearby residents.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
conclusion, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
liabilities are the foundational elements in tourism due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific benefits in terms of mutual understanding and environment protection.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that tourists should accept social and environmental responsibility while others believe that tourists should not accept any responsibility all. What is your opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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