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Some people believe that to give opportunities to the new generation companies should encourage high level employees who are older than 55 to entire. Do you agree or disagree? v.7

Some people believe that to give opportunities to the new generation companies should encourage high level employees who are older than 55 to entire. v. 7
Some people argue that high skilled workers with the age of 55 should be motivated to retire in order to give the way to young people in companies. I totally agree with this statement because of the unemployment problem and companies technological innovation improvements. There is no doubt that nowadays unemployment is one of the most pressing problems in many countries. This is because of many young people who graduate from universities are struggling to find a job, while, all the opportunities have been taken by elderly employees. For example, in many countries like India and Iran companies are filled with skilled workers with the age over 55. Consequently, there is a huge problem among the new youngsters who want to enter the job market. However, if the senior workers could have left their placement, the cutback of the younger generation would have been solved. Moreover, as technology is developing rapidly, companies need to update their progress and knowledge consequently, this would be only possible if the company uses young brains. This is because of the youth can easily adapt and meditate on new technologies compared to older generations. For instance, the Google company hires people, mostly around 30. On the other hand, if this company only occupied high level workers with lack of technology skills, it would be ended up and be out of the market soon. In conclusion, corporations should end their contract with the employees who are 55 or more in order to cut back trouble. Additionally, in terms of innovation, companies should hire only young workers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that high skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
with the age of 55 should
be motivated
to retire in order to give the way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the unemployment problem and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
technological innovation improvements.

There is no doubt that nowadays unemployment is one of the most pressing problems in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who graduate from universities are struggling to find a job, while, all the opportunities have
been taken
by elderly employees.
For example
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries like India and Iran
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are filled
with skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
with the age over 55.
Consequently
, there is a huge problem among the new youngsters who want to enter the job market.
However
, if the senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
could have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
their placement, the cutback of the younger generation would have
been solved
.

Moreover
, as technology is developing
rapidly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
need to update their progress and knowledge
consequently
, this would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
possible if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
brains. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the youth can
easily
adapt and meditate on new technologies compared to older generations.
For instance
, the Google
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
hires
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
mostly
around 30.
On the other hand
, if this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
occupied high level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
with lack of technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, it would
be ended
up and be out of the market
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

In conclusion
, corporations should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
their contract with the employees who are 55 or more in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
back trouble.
Additionally
, in terms of innovation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should hire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Some people believe that to give opportunities to the new generation companies should encourage high level employees who are older than 55 to entire. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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