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Many parents today organise extra classes for their children after school or at the weekends. Do you feel that this is a worthwhile thing to do, or do you feel children have enough education at school? v.1

Many parents today organise extra classes for their children after school or at the weekends. Do you feel that this is a worthwhile thing to do, or do you feel children have enough education at school? v. 1
In this time and age, an increasing number of far-sighted parents consider sending their children to additional classes with a view to enhancing their academic performance. While it is apparent that students can benefit from this approach, I am convinced that it may not be necessary. In this essay, I shall discuss the merits and demerits of extra classes. It goes without saying that enrichment classes provide crucial advantages regarding academic outcome improvement and skills enhancement. To begin with, these classes offer learners an opportunity to consolidate the knowledge they gain at school and broaden their horizons. Weak students can fill the knowledge gap and reinforce what they have learnt in the school curriculum. Similarly, those who are in the advanced academic level or aspiring to enrol in gifted schools may further boost their capacity with complex concepts and assignments. Another worth-noticing benefit of this method is that it promotes skills development. By attending supplementary classes in different domains, students can hone their soft skills such as communication and adaptability. Moreover, they can get specific training in a field that they are passionate about, which may be useful in future career paths. Accordingly, it may be inferred that attending extra classes may be prominently beneficial. Nonetheless, this methodology has its own downsides, including lack of relaxation and unnecessary pressure. In the first place, extra classes may deprive students of recreation. School curriculum is organised in such a way that is comprehensive and promotes well-rounded development. To that end, students should spend their free time doing leisure activities such as sports and reading so as to promote healthy growth. Another drawback worth mentioning is that students may suffer from tremendous stress. When their schedule is packed, they have no time to absorb knowledge; besides, strenuous studying may result in health problems such as insomnia, migraine or anxiety and depression. A research conducted by over 20 universities in the United States in 2018 shows that students who take more than four additional classes a week have worse physical and mental health than those who do not. Therefore, it could be implied that this approach may be counterproductive and may lead to undesirable results. All things considered, while taking extra classes is useful in terms of academic performance improvement and skills development, it might not be necessary due to lack of relaxation and unnecessary stress. I opine to the fact that children already have enough education at school and parents should deliberately consider their priorities prior to enrolling in extra classes.
In this time and age, an increasing number of far-sighted parents consider sending their children to additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
with a view to enhancing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
performance. While it is apparent that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can benefit from this approach, I
am convinced
that it may not be necessary. In this essay, I shall discuss the merits and demerits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
classes.

It goes without saying that enrichment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
provide crucial advantages regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
outcome improvement and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
enhancement. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
offer learners an opportunity to consolidate the knowledge they gain at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and broaden their horizons. Weak
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can fill the knowledge gap and reinforce what they have
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum.
Similarly
, those who are in the advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
level or aspiring to enrol in gifted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
may
further
boost their capacity with complex concepts and assignments. Another worth-noticing benefit of this method is that it promotes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
development. By attending supplementary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
domains,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can hone their soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as communication and adaptability.
Moreover
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
specific training in a field that they are passionate about, which may be useful in future career paths.
Accordingly
, it may
be inferred
that attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
may be
prominently
beneficial.

Nonetheless, this methodology has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
downsides, including lack of relaxation and unnecessary pressure. In the
first
place,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
may deprive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
of recreation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
curriculum is
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
in such a way
that is
comprehensive and promotes well-rounded development. To that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should spend their free time doing leisure activities such as sports and reading
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
promote healthy growth. Another drawback worth mentioning is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may suffer from tremendous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. When their schedule
is packed
, they have no time to absorb knowledge;
besides
, strenuous studying may result in health problems such as insomnia, migraine or anxiety and depression.
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
A research
conducted by over 20 universities in the United States in 2018
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who take more than four additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
a week have worse physical and mental health than those who do not.
Therefore
, it could
be implied
that this approach may be counterproductive and may lead to undesirable results.

All things considered, while taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
is useful in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
performance improvement and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
development, it might not be necessary due to lack of relaxation and unnecessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. I opine to the fact that children already have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
education at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and parents should
deliberately
consider their priorities prior to enrolling in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many parents today organise extra classes for their children after school or at the weekends. Do you feel that this is a worthwhile thing to do, or do you feel children have enough education at school? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
418 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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