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Advertising has become an unavoidable part of everyone's life. Some people say that advertising is a positive part of our daily lives while others say it is negative one. Discuss both views and include your opinion. v.2

Advertising has become an unavoidable part of everyone's life. Some people say that advertising is a positive part of our daily lives while others say it is negative one. v. 2
Marketing has become inevitable in today’s personal life span. It is often argued that promotional activities are constructive part of our routine life and while, others argue that it's a destructive one. In this essay both the views will be discussed why advertising is crucial to promote products and how it impacts the person's behaviour. Firstly, with the advent of multimedia like television and mobile, more people around the world is accessing such devices for knowledge and entertainment. Thus, such modes have become a preferred medium for companies to push their products through advertising. Like, today advertising provides lots of intelligence for buyers who can make informed decisions before purchasing. For example, if someone requires washing machines there are many varieties in the market catering to different consumers, with targeted advertising, it can help them to know the product better which benefits both buyer as well as seller. Furthermore, yet time due to competitions, companies may indulge in publicising their product which may not be beneficial to the consumers. To illustrate, most of the alcohol brands are coming out with the creative advertisement to push their products. Thus, most of the young generation may get into the conviction that consuming such drinks are a cool thing. In such cases, advertisers completely hides health hazards associated with such products. In conclusion, publicity of products today has become part of life, but one has to be cautious before believing in such marketing information. In my opinion, advertising is crucial for a promotion and a lot of information is provided for the benefit of the consumers. So, though it may have certain negativity, but it has more benefits.
Marketing has become inevitable in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s personal life span. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that promotional activities are constructive part of our routine life and while, others argue that it's a destructive one. In this essay both the views will
be discussed
why advertising is crucial to promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and how it impacts the person's
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

Firstly
, with the advent of multimedia like television and mobile, more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around the world is accessing such devices for knowledge and entertainment.
Thus
, such modes have become a preferred medium for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to push their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
through advertising. Like,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
advertising provides lots of intelligence for buyers who can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
informed decisions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
purchasing.
For example
, if someone requires washing machines there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
The usual preposition for "varieties" is "of" not "in." Revise: "varieties of".
varieties in
the market catering to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
consumers, with targeted advertising, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to know the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
better which benefits both buyer
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
seller.

Furthermore
,
yet
time due to competitions,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
may indulge in
Possible spelling mistake. 'publicising' is British English.
publicising
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
which may not be beneficial to the consumers. To illustrate, most of the alcohol brands are coming out with the creative advertisement to push their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
Thus
, most of the young generation may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into the conviction that consuming such drinks are a cool thing. In such cases, advertisers completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hides
health hazards associated with such products.

In conclusion
, publicity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
has become part of life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be cautious
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
believing in such marketing information.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
my opinion, advertising is crucial for a promotion and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
information
is provided
for the benefit of the consumers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, though it may have certain negativity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it has more benefits.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Advertising has become an unavoidable part of everyone's life. Some people say that advertising is a positive part of our daily lives while others say it is negative one. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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