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Some people believe that in order to give opportunities to new generation, companies should encourage high level employees who are older than 55 to retire. Do you agree or disagree? Why? v.1

Some people believe that in order to give opportunities to new generation, companies should encourage high level employees who are older than 55 to retire. Why? v. 1
It is true that nowadays, a lot of enterprises encourage qualified old employees to retire to make up room for the young ones. In my opinion, this decision is absolutely misguided. There are some indisputable advantages of having older people working for companies. The main benefit is that they have a huge amount of experiences which have been accumulated during over a decade. Thanks to their life capital and experiences, they will have enough abilities and skills to face harsh responsibilities and solve awkward problems in their firms as well. Another perk is most of old workers have strong professional networks and client networks because they have built work relationships and cooperated with a lot of counterparts for a long time. Therefore, they are likely to not only help companies have chance to affiliate with others but also increase selling products of firms in which they are working for. In contrast, young people tend to lack much knowledge for their career path compared to old people. Firstly, they lack of skills which are necessary for their jobs and the relationship with colleagues. Thus, they are possible to not complete all assigned tasks and fail to handle pressure. For example, many young employees quit because of the inability to cope with the cramped workload and work condition. Secondly, young people lack of stability because they have no clear vision of their career. They are willing to switch to other companies which offer them better opportunity without thinking about their old one. This will be a huge loss to the organization since their effort and time invested in training for young workers are not profitable. In conclusion, I firmly believed that employers should keep their proficient old workers to contribute to their companies and help them prosper.
It is true that nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
enterprises encourage qualified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
employees to retire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up room for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
ones. In my opinion, this decision is
absolutely
misguided.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
indisputable advantages of having older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. The main benefit is that they have a huge amount of experiences which have
been accumulated
during over a decade. Thanks to their life capital and experiences, they will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
abilities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to face harsh responsibilities and solve awkward problems in their firms
as well
. Another perk is most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
workers have strong professional networks and client networks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have built work relationships and cooperated with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
counterparts for a long time.
Therefore
, they are likely to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
have chance to affiliate with others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
increase selling products of firms in which they are working for.

In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to lack much knowledge for their career path compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Firstly
, they lack of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which are necessary for their jobs and the relationship with colleagues.
Thus
, they are possible to not complete all assigned tasks and fail to handle pressure.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
employees quit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the inability to cope with the cramped workload and work condition.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lack of stability
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
vision of their career. They are willing to switch to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
which offer them better opportunity without thinking about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
one. This will be a huge loss to the organization since their effort and time invested in training for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
workers are not profitable.

In conclusion
, I
firmly
believed that employers should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their proficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
workers to contribute to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them prosper.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay Some people believe that in order to give opportunities to new generation, companies should encourage high level employees who are older than 55 to retire. Why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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