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Currently, more and more people respect elders and become convinced that old people should live with their families, which is in contrast to the view that old people should live at a nursing home. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Currently, more and more people respect elders and become convinced that old people should live with their families, which is in contrast to the view that old people should live at a nursing home. v. 1
In recent years, some face the dilemma of whether the old should be sent to nursing homes or not. While it is often said that these organizations can offer the best possible condition, I would argue that it is better for the elderly to be looked after by their family members. On the one hand, it is believed that senior citizens should be sent to nursing centres for some reasons. The first one is that since these centres are professional organizations, their staff are often well-trained and therefore have excellent elderly care skills. For example, elders are those who are highly vulnerable to such serious diseases as ischaemic heart or stroke, so staff can react in a quick manner and offer them first aid in case of their outbreak. Secondly, seniors can have a chance to make friends with their contemporaries while at such centres, which might help them avoid loneliness, having the potential to jeopardize an elder’s ability to live independently. If they spend most of their time with their family at home, they might cultivate a sense of solitude because of the gap between many generations. On the other hand, I am of the opinion that it is a better idea for family members to take responsibility of their old people. Firstly, since grandparents are those who spend an amount of their life caring for almost every member of the family, this is a chance for descendants show filial piety for what the elders have sacrificed. Secondly, it is a blood relation that exists in the family, so grandparents will undoubtedly be taken great care of by others who share a full bond in comparison to a senior care staff without any blood relationship. Furthermore, grandparents will play an irreplaceable role in transmitting to their grandchildren the values and norms of social order. Therefore, children are likely to understand how to communicate and behave in the appropriate manner when they become grownups, not to mention they will be more family-oriented and appreciate what they have been previously taught. In conclusion, although it is evident that there are some inevitable advantages of older adults being sent to nursing centres, I believe that they should be looked after by their own family for greater benefits. Only by doing so can the elderly gain affection for the rest of their life.
In recent years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
face the dilemma of whether the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to nursing homes or not. While it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that these organizations can offer the best possible condition, I would argue that it is better for the elderly to
be looked
after by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.

On the one hand, it
is believed
that senior citizens should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to nursing
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons. The
first
one is that since these
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
are professional organizations, their staff are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
well-trained and
therefore
have excellent elderly care
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For example
, elders are those who are
highly
vulnerable to such serious diseases as
Possible spelling mistake found.
ischaemic
heart or stroke,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
staff can react
Consider replacing "in a quick manner" with the adverb for "quick"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a quick manner
and offer them
first
aid in case of their outbreak.
Secondly
, seniors can have a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends with their contemporaries while at such
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, which might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them avoid loneliness, having the potential to jeopardize an elder’s ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
independently
. If they spend most of their time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
at home, they might cultivate a sense of solitude
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the gap between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
generations.

On the other hand
, I am of the opinion that it is a better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members to take responsibility of their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Firstly
, since grandparents are those who spend an amount of their life caring for almost every member of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, this is a chance for descendants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
filial piety for what the elders have sacrificed.
Secondly
, it is a blood relation that exists in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
grandparents will
undoubtedly
be taken
great care of by others who share a full bond
in comparison
to a senior care staff without any blood relationship.
Furthermore
, grandparents will play an irreplaceable role in transmitting to their grandchildren the values and norms of social order.
Therefore
, children are likely to understand how to communicate and behave in the appropriate manner when they become grownups, not to mention they will be more family-oriented and appreciate what they have been previously taught.

In conclusion
, although it is evident that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
inevitable advantages of older adults being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to nursing
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, I believe that they should
be looked
after by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
for greater benefits.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
can the elderly gain affection for the rest of their life.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Currently, more and more people respect elders and become convinced that old people should live with their families, which is in contrast to the view that old people should live at a nursing home. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
390 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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