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Some people believe that to give opportunities to the new generation companies should encourage high level employees who are older than 55 to retire. Do you agree or disagree? v.3

Some people believe that to give opportunities to the new generation companies should encourage high level employees who are older than 55 to retire. v. 3
According to some people, organizations should encourage their senior employees to retire early so that young people can have more job opportunities. In my opinion, this strategy might benefit young job aspirants; however, it will be detrimental for the company. Senior employees have invaluable experience and for this reason companies should encourage them to stay. Of course, if seasoned workers retire earlier, more young people will get employment. However, this does not always benefit the company. The higher level employees have superior skills and experience that new workers lack. As some of them have worked in the same company for more than two or three decades, they are familiar with the day-to-day operations of the company and their expertise makes them a valuable asset. Consequently, their retirement will result in the loss of a great pool of talented workers and the company will suffer huge losses. There are people who argue that recruiting more youngsters can help companies save money as the salary of experienced workers is exceptionally high. For example, the salary of an employee working at a managerial level may be thrice as much as that of an entry level employee. While this may be true, the retirement of experienced employees will lead to a talent crunch that eventually affects the bottom line of the company. What’s more, if high level workers retire, there will not be enough experienced workers to provide training to the newly hired employees. Without the intensive guidance and supervision of their mentors, new employees will not be able to hone their skills. Gradually, the company will lose productivity and revenue. To conclude, while some people may suggest that senior workers should retire at an earlier age to give more opportunities to the younger ones, I do not agree with this argument as their retirement means a tremendous loss to the companies.
According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, organizations should encourage their senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
early
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can have more job opportunities. In my opinion, this strategy might benefit young job aspirants;
however
, it will be detrimental for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

Senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
have invaluable experience and
for this reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should encourage them to stay.
Of course
, if seasoned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
earlier, more young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
employment.
However
, this does not always benefit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. The higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
have superior
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and experience that new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
lack. As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them have worked in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
for more than two or three decades, they are familiar with the day-to-day operations of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and their expertise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them a valuable asset.
Consequently
, their retirement will result in the loss of a great pool of talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
will suffer huge losses.

There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who argue that recruiting more youngsters can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
save money as the salary of experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
is
exceptionally
high.
For example
, the salary of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
working at a managerial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
may be thrice as much as that of an entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
. While this may be true, the retirement of experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
will lead to a talent crunch that
eventually
affects the bottom line of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. What’s more, if high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
, there will not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
to provide training to the
newly
hired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
. Without the intensive guidance and supervision of their mentors, new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
will not be able to hone their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Gradually
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
will lose productivity and revenue.

To conclude
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may suggest that senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
at an earlier age to give more opportunities to the younger ones, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this argument as their retirement means a tremendous loss to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that to give opportunities to the new generation companies should encourage high level employees who are older than 55 to retire. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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