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Few people devote time to hobbies nowadays. Why you think this is the case and what effect this has on the individual and society in general. v.1

Few people devote time to hobbies nowadays. Why you think this is the case and what effect this has on the individual and society in general. v. 1
Nowadays, very few people pursue a hobby. In my opinion, this is not a positive trend because not having a hobby can have a detrimental effect on people. We are now living in a highly stressful and competitive environment where a hobby can be a stress buster. Hobbies are also beneficial for the society because people who have a hobby are less likely to get into crime. Everybody is busy these days and as such they have no time for hobbies. People have demanding jobs and careers that do not give them any spare time. Not surprisingly very few people pursue hobbies these days. Another factor that discourages people from having a hobby is the easy access to other sources of recreation. We now live in an age where we receive new and exciting information every millisecond. Thanks to the advent of technologies like the internet and the smart phone people are constantly glued to their screens. The only pastime they have is checking and updating their social profiles. Unfortunately, unlike a hobby internet addiction is actually harmful to the individual. Of course, it helps them to kill their time but most people who spend a lot of time on the internet and social media websites are actually unhappy about their lives. They feel inadequate and crave for more. A hobby, on the other hand, is an emotionally fulfilling pursuit. It can even lead to financial benefits. For example, someone who pursues painting or blogging as a hobby will probably be able to turn that into a lucrative career. Studies have also shown that hobbies benefit the society as a whole. They give a purpose to life and keep people occupied. As a result people who have a hobby are less likely to get into antisocial and criminal activities. To conclude, easy access to other sources of recreation is the main reason that discourages people from having a hobby. However, this is a bad development and can have long lasting negative consequences for the individual and the society.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pursue a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
. In my opinion, this is not a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
can have a detrimental effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. We are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
living in a
highly
stressful and competitive environment where a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
can be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
buster.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Hobbies
are
also
beneficial for the society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
are less likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into crime.

Everybody is busy these days and as such they have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have demanding jobs and careers that do not give them any spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Not
surprisingly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pursue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
these days. Another factor that discourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
is the easy access to other sources of recreation.

We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in an age where we receive new and exciting information every millisecond. Thanks to the advent of technologies like the internet and the smart phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
constantly
glued to their screens. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
pastime they have is checking and updating their social profiles. Unfortunately, unlike a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
internet addiction is actually harmful to the individual.
Of course
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to kill their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on the internet and social media websites are actually unhappy about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. They feel inadequate and crave for more.

A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
,
on the other hand
, is an
emotionally
fulfilling pursuit. It can even lead to financial benefits.
For example
, someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
pursues painting or blogging as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
will
probably
be able to turn that into a lucrative career. Studies have
also
shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
benefit the society as a whole. They give a purpose to life and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
occupied.
As a result
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
are less likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into antisocial and criminal activities.

To conclude
, easy access to other sources of recreation is the main reason that discourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
.
However
, this is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
development and can have
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
long lasting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences for the individual and the society.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Learn a new language and get a new soul.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay Few people devote time to hobbies nowadays. Why you think this is the case and what effect this has on the individual and society in general. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
338 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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