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Some people believe that there should be fixed punishment for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people believe that there should be fixed punishment for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. v. 2
Any offence should be corrected, otherwise, it would be increased drastically, but motifs should be taken into consideration. Some think that, always applies a certain penalty for any evil activities while others not, they believe that what is the reason for making an individual evil things should be taken seriously before taking any action. The essay will be talking about both views. First of all, a fine is very important to reduce offence rate, for example, whenever a person must have given a fine or taken the punishment for any wrong activities, then they would be less encouraged to do the same thing again and it will arise a fear of doing any bad things and can discourage people to make any wrong deeds. For instance, in the US any people have to give fine or take into custody when they drive their car and talking mobile phone at the same time. So giving sentence is an effective idea to reduce bad deeds. However, all of the people do not like to make an offence, even sometimes they do not have any records about crime while they get arrested for the first time. The emergency case is the major field of the issue. Whenever a man or women get sick or get a heart attack, in that moment, the family members cannot realize properly that what should be done? In those types of case, people want to go to the hospital as soon as possible and they make mistakes by driving high speed or do a crash with other vehicles. But, they do not have the intention to do so. Poverty can play a big rule for doing a bad thing, such as, when a father is not able to feed his children. In my opinion, it is very reasonable to consider the motifs of a crime before taking action. In conclusion, while giving the penalty is very crucial for making low crime rate, but it should be considered to find out the intention to do that evil thing.
Any
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
should
be corrected
,
otherwise
, it would
be increased
drastically
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
motifs should
be taken
into consideration.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that, always applies a certain penalty for any evil activities while others not, they believe that what is the reason for making an individual evil things should
be taken
seriously
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
taking any action. The essay will be talking about both views.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, a fine is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
rate,
for example
, whenever a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a fine or taken the punishment for any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
activities, then they would be less encouraged to do the same thing again and it will arise a fear of doing any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things and can discourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
deeds.
For instance
, in the US any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
give fine or take into custody when they drive their car and talking mobile phone at the same time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
giving sentence is an effective
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
deeds.

However
,
Consider using "all the".
all of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
, even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they do not have any records about crime while they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
arrested for the
first
time. The emergency case is the major field of the issue. Whenever a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
or women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sick or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a heart attack,
The usual collocation for "that moment" is "at" not "in". Did you mean "At that moment"?
in that moment
, the family members cannot realize
properly
that what should
be done
? In those types of case,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to go to the hospital as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
possible and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
mistakes by driving high speed or do a crash with other vehicles.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, they do not have the intention to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. Poverty can play a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
for doing a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
thing, such as, when a father is not able to feed his children. In my opinion, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
reasonable to consider the motifs of a crime
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
taking action.

In conclusion
, while giving the penalty is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial for making low crime rate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it should
be considered
to find out the intention to do that evil thing.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Some people believe that there should be fixed punishment for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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