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Some people believe that there should be a fixed punishment for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both of these two views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.8

Some people believe that there should be a fixed punishment for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. v. 8
People hold divergent views about punishments when people commit crimes. While I understand the importance of fixed punishments, I believe that courts ought to take account of factors such as circumstances along with motivation when passing a sentence. On the one hand, I will not take issue with the point to create a fixed system of laws which indicates exactly the punishments for each type of crime. This creation will enhance the equality between citizens regardless of who they are. In Vietnam, for example, if officials receive money of their staffs illegally, they could be gone to jail for at least 15 years or even suffering a capital punishment and there is no exception for any position. Besides, it is presumed that stable laws will deprive people of infringing the regulations because people are articulating the punishments they might get. As a result, this could decrease the crime rate. On the other hand, I also believe that the authorities need to consider many factors before deciding on the punishments. Firstly, the circumstances such as the age and the mentality of an individual crime should be included because in some cases people are unable to recognize what they do. To illustrate this case, when people suffer mental problems, they could not control their actions, accordingly, they should be taken to hospitals rather than prisons if they commit a crime. Moreover, courts should take the motivation for committing crime into account as well because offenders might break the rules under some certain pressure. Hence it is necessary to mitigate the punishments for people who do not commit crime on purpose. In conclusion, I assume that it is of great importance to have fixed punishments, nonetheless, the authorities should also consider many elements when make their decisions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
hold divergent views about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. While I understand the importance of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
, I believe that courts ought to take account of factors such as circumstances along with motivation when passing a sentence.

On the one hand, I will not take issue with the point to create a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
system of laws which indicates exactly the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
for each type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. This creation will enhance the equality between citizens regardless of who they are. In Vietnam,
for example
, if officials receive money of their staffs
illegally
, they could
be gone
to jail for at least 15 years or even suffering a capital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
and there is no exception for any position.
Besides
, it
is presumed
that stable laws will deprive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of infringing the regulations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are articulating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
.
As a result
, this could decrease the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate.

On the other hand
, I
also
believe that the authorities need to consider
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
deciding on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
.
Firstly
, the circumstances such as the age and the mentality of an individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
should
be included
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are unable to recognize what they do. To illustrate this case, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer mental problems, they could not control their actions,
accordingly
, they should
be taken
to hospitals
rather
than prisons if they commit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
Moreover
, courts should take the motivation for committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
into account
as well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
offenders might break the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
under
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
certain pressure.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
it is necessary to mitigate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
on purpose.

In conclusion
, I assume that it is of great importance to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
, nonetheless, the authorities should
also
consider
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
elements when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their decisions
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
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IELTS essay Some people believe that there should be a fixed punishment for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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