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Some people think that increasing the number of police officers on the street is the only effective way to reduce crime. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people think that increasing the number of police officers on the street is the only effective way to reduce crime. v. 2
It is indubitable that crime rates have been rising in recent decades, that it had reached a critical situation which needs to be dealt with. Some people suggest that the more police officers are out on patrols the less felonies are committed. However, I believe that an increase in patrols is not the optimum choice, but more rehabilitation centres. First of all, increasing units is not a practical solution to the problem. Contrary to the general belief, the more agents that are out there the more crime rates will grow. In the USA, for instance, it has been shown that an increase in officers will result in a growth in racism as well as misconduct. In addition, a lot of cash is needed in order for this solution to work. Furthermore, citizens will be taxed more, due to the government's inability to fund such task. Increasing officers have proven to be an ineffective way to deal with crime, whereas, solutions that include human development is more efficient. Secondly, rehabilitation centres and other programs which integrate previous convicts back into the society are far better. To put it in another way, self developing programs like teaching convicts interpersonal skills, or other vocational skills, proved to be better for both community and criminals. For example, in Britain, inmates are taught how to cook gourmet food in a program lead by Gordon Ramsay. Therefore, by the time they are out, they will have a qualification to work at top restaurants and learn their mistakes. To conclude, I believe that enlarging the number of agents will not be practical and may have a detrimental effect, whereas trying to develop prisoners' skills while they serve their sentence is more effective.
It is indubitable that crime rates have been rising in recent decades, that it had reached a critical situation which needs to
be dealt
with.
Some
people
suggest that the more police officers are out on patrols the
less
felonies
are committed
.
However
, I believe that an increase in patrols is not the optimum choice,
but
more rehabilitation
centres
.

First of all
, increasing units is not a practical solution to the problem. Contrary to the general belief, the more agents that are out there the more crime rates will grow. In the USA,
for instance
, it has
been shown
that an increase in officers will result in a growth in racism
as well
as misconduct.
In addition
,
a lot of
cash
is needed
in order for this solution to work.
Furthermore
, citizens will
be taxed
more, due to the
government
's inability to fund such task. Increasing officers have proven to be an ineffective way to deal with crime, whereas, solutions that include human development is more efficient.

Secondly
, rehabilitation
centres
and other programs which integrate previous convicts back into the society are far better. To put it in another way, self developing programs like teaching convicts interpersonal
skills
, or other vocational
skills
, proved to be better for both community and criminals.
For example
, in Britain, inmates
are taught
how to cook gourmet food in a program lead by Gordon Ramsay.
Therefore
, by the time they are out, they will have a qualification to work at top restaurants and learn their mistakes.

To conclude
, I believe that enlarging the number of agents will not be practical and may have a detrimental effect, whereas trying to develop prisoners'
skills
while they serve their sentence is more effective.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some people think that increasing the number of police officers on the street is the only effective way to reduce crime. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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