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Some people believe that the museums and historic sites should be open for free for children under 18. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people believe that the museums and historic sites should be open for free for children under 18. v. 2
A number of people think that children under 18 should be given freely the opportunity to visit public museums and ancient sites. I completely agree with this view and I believe that these cultural destinations play an important role in teaching art, culture and history to teenagers. First of all, a museum and historical site can serve educational purposes for teenagers. However, today, many children do not have a chance to see even a local museum or historical site because they are not affordable for every child. For instance, many parents find the entry fee of a typical history museum expensive. Therefore, they do not support children to experience a museum visit. That’s why making all museums free for children under 18 is a necessity. Secondly, cultural destinations such as art museums, ancient sites help children to improve a sense of history and culture. If these destinations are free of charge for children, the number of child visitor will increase remarkably which every child, in turn, can learn a variety of knowledge and information about their past and culture. For instance, after the Swedish government provided children with the free-entry service for all museums and historical sites and buildings. After that, the overall number of visitors has increased by 50% across Sweden. In addition, the children, who visit museums, have had higher scores in history and art classes. Hence, it goes without saying that the free-entry service contributes to the number of visitors and improve children’s academic performance. In conclusion, every child should freely attend in the museum and historical site visits, as the affordability of both is not suitable for every child, and also they can educate many children in terms of their academic scores and their knowledge about history and culture. 293 Words
A
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number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
under 18 should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
freely
the opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view and I believe that these cultural destinations play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in teaching art,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
can serve educational purposes for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not have a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
even a local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not affordable for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents find the entry fee of a typical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
expensive.
Therefore
, they do not support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to experience a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
. That’s why making all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
free for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
under 18 is a necessity.

Secondly
, cultural destinations such as art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
a sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. If these destinations are free of charge for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
visitor will increase
remarkably
which every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, in turn, can learn a variety of knowledge and information about their past and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
For instance
, after the Swedish
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
provided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with the free-entry service for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
and buildings. After that, the
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of visitors has increased by 50% across Sweden.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, have had higher scores in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
and art classes.
Hence
, it goes without saying that the free-entry service contributes to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of visitors and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
academic performance.

In conclusion
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
should
freely
attend in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visits
, as the affordability of both is not suitable for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, and
also
they can educate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in terms of their academic scores and their knowledge about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture. 293
Words
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
52Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay Some people believe that the museums and historic sites should be open for free for children under 18. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
294 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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