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Some people believe that museums and historic sites should be open for free for children under 18. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that museums and historic sites should be open for free for children under 18. v. 1
As compared to the past decade there has been a drastic decline in people visiting historic places or museums. Some people are of the view that such places should be made free to visit, particularly for young visitors. I completely agree to this phenomenon, I shall discuss the topic in details and give valid arguments about my stance with examples. To begin with, the utmost benefit of making entrance fees free of charge is learning factor of young generation. By making zero fees, children will compel their parents to visit these places since it got no charge, consequently by more visits similarly parents would be contended to invest their time, feeling confident that their kids would learn something, that too with no cost. People are more comfortable visiting places where no amount is involved. For instance, in any part of the world if there is a book fair that is free to attend, everyone would rush to attend. To elucidate it further, free of cost entrance would also be a good decision in longer terms of children growth. By knowing and visiting these places, kids will learn some good lessons out of our ancestor’s stories and would try to replicate in their lives as well. For instance, I made my daughter visited our national museum, where she learnt about our father of the nation, Mr. Muhammad Ali Jinnah. Our tour guide reveal many wonderful aspects of Jinnah’s life. My daughter got so overwhelmed that she kept talking about such characteristics of Jinnah all the way back to home. Thus, visiting these place would leave an influential impact on our kid minds. To recapitulate the aforementioned arguments, I opine that historical places should be free of cost to visit. In order to encourage people to show our young generation who our ancestors were and what wonderful acts they did for us.
As compared to the past decade there has been a drastic decline in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
visiting historic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
or museums.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the view that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
should
be made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
,
particularly
for young visitors. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to this phenomenon, I shall discuss the topic in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
and give valid arguments about my stance with examples.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the utmost benefit of making entrance fees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
of charge is learning factor of young generation. By making zero fees, children will compel their parents to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
since it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
no charge,
consequently
by more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visits
similarly
parents would
be contended
to invest their time, feeling confident that their kids would learn something, that too with no cost.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are more comfortable visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
where no amount
is involved
.
For instance
, in any part of the world if there is a book
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
that is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
to attend, everyone would rush to attend.

To elucidate it
further
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
of cost entrance would
also
be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
decision in longer terms of children growth. By knowing and visiting these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
, kids will learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
lessons out of our ancestor’s stories and would try to replicate in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
as well
.
For instance
, I made my daughter visited our national museum, where she
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
about our father of the nation, Mr. Muhammad Ali Jinnah. Our tour guide reveal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
wonderful aspects of Jinnah’s life. My daughter
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
overwhelmed that she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
talking about such characteristics of Jinnah all the way back to home.
Thus
, visiting these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
an influential impact on our kid minds.

To recapitulate the aforementioned arguments, I opine that historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
of cost to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
. In order to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
our young generation who our ancestors were and what wonderful acts they did for us.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay Some people believe that museums and historic sites should be open for free for children under 18. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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