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Some people believe that museums and historic sites should be open for free children under 18, do you agree or disagree v.1

Some people believe that museums and historic sites should be open for free children under 18, v. 1
It is needless to say that children's learning ability is of prime at developing stage. So experts have an opinion about learning an external language should be commenced at primary schools which probably enhances their skills in the long run than by doing it on a secondary level. So yes, it was weighed merits over the demerits, which will analyse here. Firstly primary institute is the base of any education system providing children to study with fundamental aspects of different subjects. Studying a foreign dialect in primary academy makes them well acquainted to the dialect eventually gaining them the ability to have a command on that particular subject than if started in the latter part of the school. Moreover students at that stage have fewer academic subjects and curriculums to follow, which gives extra room for learning a new dialect. To illustrate this, there are many schools in India who provide English study right from the primary section of the school which helps them to get used to the language easily despite with the fact that they are non- English speakers. On the other hand to induce a terminology in secondary institute also has certain benefits that it is dealt when students are bit mature and have improvise understanding towards the subject. But has constraints such as time limit and personal choice, which makes it perhaps difficult to develop a good expertise over the topic as they have loads of curriculum and major subjects to study. This often demonstrates lack of interest towards a task when opted in secondary institution. To sum up we have seen that learning a task at primary standard can enhance students' skills more meticulously, hence the merits outweighs its demerits.
It is needless to say that children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
ability is of prime at developing stage.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
experts have an opinion about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
an external language should
be commenced
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
which
probably
enhances their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in the long run than by doing it on a secondary level.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
yes, it
was weighed
merits over the demerits, which will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
here.

Firstly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
institute is the base of any education system providing children to study with fundamental aspects of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. Studying a foreign dialect in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
academy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them well acquainted to the dialect
eventually
gaining them the ability to have a command on that particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
than if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
in the latter part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
students at that stage have fewer academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and curriculums to follow, which gives extra room for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a new dialect. To illustrate this, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in India who provide English study right from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
section of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to the language
easily
despite with the fact that they are non- English speakers.

On the other hand
to induce a terminology in secondary institute
also
has certain benefits that it
is dealt
when students are
It seems that an article is missing.
bit
mature and have improvise understanding towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
has constraints such as time limit and personal choice, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it perhaps difficult to develop a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
expertise over the topic as they have loads of curriculum and major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
to study. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
demonstrates lack of interest towards a task when opted in secondary institution.

To sum up we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a task at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
standard can enhance students'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
more
meticulously
,
hence
the merits outweighs its demerits.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Some people believe that museums and historic sites should be open for free children under 18, v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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