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Some people believe that the internet has brought people closer together by making the world smaller. Others disagree, claiming that the internet has made people and communities more isolated because they no longer need to leave home and interact with others. Discuss both the view and give your opinion. v.1

Some people believe that the internet has brought people closer together by making the world smaller. Others disagree, claiming that the internet has made people and communities more isolated because they no longer need to leave home and interact with others. v. 1
A section of people holds up an idea that the advancement in technology, such as, social websites and messengers made a world global village. But, opponents opine that, the innovation of internet facilities reduced interaction between people and online chatting took place of light to top meetings. In my opinion, Technology made an earthly replica of paradise, but if we are using it with limitations. First of all, To clarify the former view, Indeed, The Inventions of new technology and gadgets made our lives very easier as compared to the past times, because it saves our time as well as money. To exemplify it, In ancient years, people used to send handwritten messages to their relatives or visit them by long walking journeys, but nowadays one email can inform thousands of persons about any happening in a single second as well as no need to travel long distances to let them know about anything. Thus, this is an achievement of science which gave us a comfortable life activity. On the other hand, With these innovations, the people are satisfied at their homes and feel no any need to go anywhere which affects their relations in the long term as well as affect them physically and mentally because they are sticking up in four walls and have no longer interest and attractions with their loving ones. Take an example, these days youngsters prefer to talk online by making unknown new friends, which resulted harmful in the future due to fake identifications, instead of it, In the early days people believed in true relationships and communicate with known persons by aspect to look interactions. In my perspective, The technology provided us all the comforts of soul, but we should use it with proper care and consciousness, because it is only useful, until we use in limit, Otherwise, it will be harmful in a long term. Moreover, if online communications took place of personal meetings, then there will be no more existence of relationships. To sum up, The Inventions made a world small village and ease our growth but also affects our social heart, so we should use it with open eyes and consciousness for positive results.
A section of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
holds up an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that the advancement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, such as, social websites and messengers made a world global village.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, opponents opine that, the innovation of internet facilities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
interaction between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and online chatting took place of light to top meetings. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
made an
earthly
replica of paradise,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if we are using it with limitations.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, To clarify the former view,
Indeed
, The Inventions of new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and gadgets made our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easier
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared to the past times,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it saves our time
as well
as money. To exemplify it, In ancient years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
handwritten messages to their relatives or visit them by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
walking journeys,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nowadays one email can inform thousands of persons about any happening in a single second
as well
as no need to travel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
distances to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them know about anything.
Thus
, this is an achievement of science which gave us a comfortable life activity.

On the other hand
, With these innovations, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are satisfied
at their homes and feel
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
any need to go anywhere which affects their relations in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
term
as well
as affect them
physically
and mentally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are sticking up in four walls and have no longer interest and attractions with their loving ones. Take an example, these days youngsters prefer to talk online by making unknown new friends, which resulted harmful in the future due to fake identifications,
instead
of it, In the early days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believed in true relationships and communicate with known persons by aspect to look interactions.

In my perspective, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
provided us all the comforts of soul,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it with proper care and consciousness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
useful, until we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in limit,
Otherwise
, it will be harmful in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
term.
Moreover
, if online communications took place of personal meetings, then there will be no more existence of relationships.

To sum up, The Inventions made a world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
village and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
our growth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
affects our social heart,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it with open eyes and consciousness for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
results.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that the internet has brought people closer together by making the world smaller. Others disagree, claiming that the internet has made people and communities more isolated because they no longer need to leave home and interact with others. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
364 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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