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Some people think that the internet has brought people closer together while others think that people and communities are become more isolated. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think that the internet has brought people closer together while others think that people and communities are become more isolated. v. 2
Online networking has grown ever since its invention. Modern communication methods have completely obsoleted traditional methods. Some people think that the web has made people keep more close contacts, while others think that it has further divided them. In my opinion, I believe that the internet has made it easier to communicate and maintain more close contact. On the one hand, the online mode of communications has linked people from different corners of the world in one place. Social media networks conveniently let people from all parts contact each other with just a single click. Take Facebook as an example, it allows you to exchange information and express your emotions using both audio and visual aids. Digital media platforms such as WhatsApp, Viber and Imo have made it possible to message, speak and video call individuals living in remote areas. On the other hand, the usage of the internet among teenagers and adults has increased to the extent that it has reduced person to person contact. The scope of physical sports has subsided dramatically since the innovation of online games. According to one study, youths spend 4-5 hours per day on the internet and are more inclined towards video games. The internet has segregated communities into parts as people prefer using modern communicated methods over personal contacts. Finally, in my opinion, the internet has made it simpler and faster to communicate with individuals living all over the world, however, on the contrary, it has also created a split among societies as people are spending most of their time on online platforms. To conclude, I believe online networking has changed the mode of communication among people, although it has simplified the process, it has also caused division among groups.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Online
networking has grown ever since its invention. Modern communication methods have completely obsoleted traditional methods.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the web has made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
more close contacts, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it has
further
divided them. In my opinion, I believe that the internet has made it easier to communicate and maintain more close contact.

On the one hand, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
mode of communications has linked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
corners of the world in one place. Social media networks
conveniently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all parts contact each other with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a single click. Take Facebook as an example, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
you to exchange information and express your emotions using both audio and visual aids. Digital media platforms such as WhatsApp,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Viber
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Imo
have made it possible to message, speak and video call individuals living in remote areas.

On the other hand
, the usage of the internet among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and adults has increased to the extent that it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
person to person contact. The scope of physical sports has subsided
dramatically
since the innovation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
games. According to one study, youths spend 4-5 hours per day on the internet and are more inclined towards video games. The internet has segregated communities into parts as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer using modern communicated methods over personal contacts.

Finally
, in my opinion, the internet has made it simpler and faster to communicate with individuals living all over the world,
however
,
on the contrary
, it has
also
created a split among societies as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are spending most of their time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
platforms.

To conclude
, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
networking has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the mode of communication among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, although it has simplified the process, it has
also
caused division among groups.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Some people think that the internet has brought people closer together while others think that people and communities are become more isolated. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
288 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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