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Some people believe it is important for college students to receive education about at least one musical instrument. Some people think that providing music education for college students is not necessary. What is your opinion and why? v.1

Some people believe it is important for college students to receive education about at least one musical instrument. Some people think that providing music education for college students is not necessary. What is your opinion and why? v. 1
The importance of studying history and learning from it was always been considered one of the most heated topics. Indeed, there are different points of view: someone thinks that history cannot teach anything, while others argue that it is a teacher of life from which everybody can learn, in order to avoid the same mistakes and create more rightful societies. I personally believe that studying history is the best way to improve human’s life and understand the world where we live. Consequently, this essay will focus on both opinions and it will explain my point of view. It is well known that life and societies are used to change during the history putting us to the test with very different situations. Clearly today’s problems as well as life goals are not the same than in the past and this led to think that history cannot give us a lecture of our lives. In contrast, in my view, our lives and societies are only the development of historical events and only learning history can give us the key to understand modern times. For instance, many technologies of our times derived from past discoveries, thus, knowing history can let us understand why and how we use such tools. In addition, studying our and others’ past allows to avoid such horrible mistakes and improve our society. I believe that, if we do not know world’s past, we will always turn around the same mistakes without learning how to avoid them. For example, if we did not study political and economic history we could not realise society’s achievements and we would not give the right importance to our freedom and democracy as well as we would not understand the reasons of economic crisis. This means that we could not avoid economic crisis in the future as well as we could lose our democracy without realising it. To conclude, there are many people who think we do not need to learn history, but I firmly believe that without knowing our past we cannot have a better future.
The importance of studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
and learning from it was always
been considered
one of the most heated topics.
Indeed
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
points of view: someone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
cannot teach anything, while others argue that it is a teacher of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
from which everybody can learn, in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
avoid
the same mistakes and create more rightful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
. I
personally
believe that studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is the best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
human’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
the world where we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
Consequently
, this essay will focus on both opinions and it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my point of view.

It is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
known that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
putting us to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situations.
Clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s problems as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
goals are not the same
Comparison is written 'the same ... "as"'.
than
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
and this led to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
cannot give us a lecture of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
In contrast
, in my view, our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the development of historical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
can give us the key to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
modern times.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
technologies of our times derived from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
discoveries,
thus
, knowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
why and how we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
such tools.

In addition
, studying our
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
avoid
such horrible mistakes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. I believe that, if we do not know world’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
, we will always turn around the same mistakes without learning how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
avoid
them.
For example
, if we did not study political and economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
we could not
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society’s
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
achievements and
we would not give the right importance to our freedom and democracy as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as we would not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
the reasons of economic crisis. This means that we could not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
avoid
economic crisis in the future as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as we could lose our democracy without
Possible spelling mistake. 'realising' is British English.
realising
it.

To conclude
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
we do not need to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
firmly
believe that without knowing our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
we cannot have a better future.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe it is important for college students to receive education about at least one musical instrument. Some people think that providing music education for college students is not necessary. What is your opinion and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
342 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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