Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In developing countries, children in rural communities have less access to education. Some people believe that the problem can be solved by providing more schools and teachers, while others think that the problem can be solved by providing computers and Internet access. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

In developing countries, children in rural communities have less access to education. Some people believe that the problem can be solved by providing more schools and teachers, while others think that the problem can be solved by providing computers and Internet access. v. 2
Limited access to education has led children in remote locations to live under poor conditions. Schools and teachers, accordingly, are believed to a long-term solution, which will guarantee a better life for disadvantaged children. However, others argue that technology is the master key to this issue. In this essay, I will discuss both these views before giving my own opinion. There is not any difficulty to understand why the role of schools and teachers is highly acclaimed. Unlike developed nations, many rural areas have faced a severe teacher and school shortage, leading to illiteracy among children. Therefore, erecting more schools would help rural pupils acquire new knowledge as well as social skills more easily, all of which are conducive to their mental and physical development at early age. Apart from this, rural communities can gradually escape from poverty through far-reaching changes in education. On the other hand, without the help of technology, children in remote villages will have many difficulties in access to education. The reason is due to geographic barriers. Since the distance from their home to school is far and they often go to school on foot, dropping out often occurs. Therefore, by equipping young children with online lessons or programmes, they can self-study at home without having to go to class or being completely dependent on teachers. Also, this is a good chance for them to familiarize themselves with online education – a state of the art educational mode. In my view, schools and technology play an equally important role in rural and remote education because both have their own values. The concerted action between these factors, therefore, will promise disadvantaged children a better studying condition
Limited access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has led
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in remote locations to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
under poor conditions.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
,
accordingly
,
are believed
to a long-term solution, which will guarantee a better life for disadvantaged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
However
, others argue that technology is the master key to this issue. In this essay, I will discuss both these views
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
giving my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion.

There is not any difficulty to understand why the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
is
highly
acclaimed. Unlike developed nations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
areas have faced a severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
shortage, leading to illiteracy among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Therefore
, erecting more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
pupils acquire new knowledge
as well
as social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
more
easily
, all of which are conducive to their mental and physical development at early age. Apart from this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
communities can
gradually
escape from poverty through far-reaching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in education.

On the other hand
, without the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in remote villages will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
difficulties in access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. The reason is due to geographic barriers. Since the distance from their home to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
far and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
on foot, dropping out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
occurs.
Therefore
, by equipping young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with online lessons or
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
, they can self-study at home without having to go to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
or being completely dependent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
.
Also
, this is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
chance for them to familiarize themselves with online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
a state of the art educational mode.

In my view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and technology play an
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
and remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
both have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
values. The concerted action between these factors,
therefore
, will promise disadvantaged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
a better studying
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
condition
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay In developing countries, children in rural communities have less access to education. Some people believe that the problem can be solved by providing more schools and teachers, while others think that the problem can be solved by providing computers and Internet access. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts