Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In the modern world, people are no longer necessary to use food from animals or product from animals such as medicine and clothing. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

In the modern world, people are no longer necessary to use food from animals or product from animals such as medicine and clothing. v. 1
It is irrefutable that languages play a vital role in the development of a child. Therefore, some people think that a foreign language can be introduced in the academic curriculum at the primary level as opposed to secondary. I completely agree with the statement, and this essay will elaborate on my reasons with relevant examples to support my viewpoint. To begin with, starting a foreign language at primary school can lay a strong foundation. In other words, more years of learning and practice can result in better fluency and vocabulary. For example, in Western countries, children speak and write in English more comfortably, whilst children in Asian countries. This is because, English is taught in western countries, right from childhood, even when the children have not started to speak. Undoubtedly, practice and time can make a man perfect in any language. Besides, adding a foreign language at primary school is easier for students than later. This means that at secondary schools, students have to focus more on subjects like science and maths, which would help them get admissions in reputed universities. As a consequence,   an additional language will add stress and consume their valuable time. A research conducted by the students of the University of Michigan describes that 80% of students score lesser marks in an English subject in 12th-grade compared to an English paper in tenth-grade because the former students are unable to concentrate on subjects other than technical subjects. Indeed, primary schools are the best time to introduce a foreign language subject where it is positively accepted by students. To conclude, it is clear that foreign languages are best fitted at primary schools because students have more bandwidth to accommodate a new subject, and also, constant learning and practicing is the key to master a language.
It is irrefutable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
play a vital role in the development of a child.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
can
be introduced
in the academic curriculum at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
level as opposed to secondary. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement, and this essay will elaborate on my reasons with relevant examples to support my viewpoint.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, starting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
can lay a strong foundation.
In other words
, more years of learning and practice can result in better fluency and vocabulary.
For example
, in Western countries, children speak and write in English more
comfortably
, whilst children in Asian countries. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, English
is taught
in western countries, right from childhood, even when the children have not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to speak.
Undoubtedly
, practice and time can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
perfect in any language.

Besides
, adding a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is easier for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
than later. This means that at secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
focus more on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like science and
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
, which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
admissions in reputed universities. As a consequence,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
  
an additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and consume their valuable time.
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
A research
conducted by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
of the University of Michigan
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
that 80% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
score lesser marks in an English
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
in 12th-grade compared to an English paper in tenth-grade
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the former
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are unable to concentrate on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
other than technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
Indeed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are the best time to introduce a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
where it is
positively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by students.

To conclude
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
are best fitted at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have more bandwidth to accommodate a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
, and
also
, constant learning and practicing is the key to master a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In the modern world, people are no longer necessary to use food from animals or product from animals such as medicine and clothing. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts