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Some people believe that the government spends too much money on developing space exploration technology. There are many others financial needs that the government should address instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people believe that the government spends too much money on developing space exploration technology. There are many others financial needs that the government should address instead. v. 2
Some people opine that there should be specific punishment for every kind of crime. However, some argue that the reasons behind the committed crime should be considered before making a decision. While I believe that the punishment of a crime depends upon the circumstances in which it has occurred, this essay will discuss both views in the following paragraphs. I do agree with the fact that the reasons behind committing an offence may vary and some of them might be valid. For instance, there are certain crimes which happen in self-defence. This means that the person who committed the crime might be innocent and kills someone for saving himself or another person. Moreover, there can be cases which involve mental torture or blackmail by a third person which compels a man or woman to commit an evil act. Just as a coin has two sides, this argument is no exception. There are certain systems set by the government which make things equal for everyone. Rules are made with no exception, which means that they need to be followed by every member of the community. Failing which, it can lead to certain consequences. If the punishments change for some people, then it not only becomes unfair for others, but it also makes the system weak. This will make it easy for anyone to commit a crime and walk away scot-free by forging any fake circumstances. In a nutshell, I conclude by saying that both sides have equal weightage. This decision should lie with the jury and a wise resolution should be made for any crime.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that there should be specific punishment for every kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that the reasons behind the committed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
should
be considered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making a decision. While I believe that the punishment of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
depends upon the circumstances in which it has occurred, this essay will discuss both views in the following paragraphs.

I do
Consider using "agree that".
agree with the fact that
the reasons behind committing an
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
may vary and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them might be valid.
For instance
, there are certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
which happen in
Possible spelling mistake. 'self-defence' is British English.
self-defence
. This means that the person who committed the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
might be innocent and kills someone for saving himself or another person.
Moreover
, there can be cases which involve mental torture or blackmail by a third person which compels a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
or woman to commit an evil act.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
as a coin has two sides, this argument is no exception. There are certain systems set by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
things equal for everyone.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Rules
are made
with no exception, which means that they need to
be followed
by every member of the community. Failing which, it can lead to certain consequences. If the punishments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, then it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
becomes unfair for others,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the system weak. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it easy for anyone to commit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and walk away scot-free by forging any fake circumstances.

In a nutshell, I conclude by saying that both sides have equal weightage. This decision should lie with the jury and a wise resolution should
be made
for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that the government spends too much money on developing space exploration technology. There are many others financial needs that the government should address instead. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Some people believe that the government spends too much money on developing space exploration technology. There are many others financial needs that the government should address instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2