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59. One should live a relaxed life instead of always hurrying. Do you agree ordisagree which the above statement? Why or why nor? Use specific reasonsand examples to support your answer v.1

59. One should live a relaxed life instead of always hurrying. Why or why nor? Use specific reasonsand examples to support your answer v. 1
It is obvious that a large number of individuals used majorities of their adulthood in their office, while work pressure is an essential section of adult life. The element that promotes work achievement is high salary job, and also enthusiastic in work is the anticipation of sense of wellbeing for all employees. One major aspect that is responsible for works fulfilment is astronomical salary. This is because when a worker received a enormous pay he or she would be motivated and happy to work harder. Take for example, an employee who works in a reputable company that pays enormous salary is always different from those that work in a small organisation in terms of work satisfaction. As a result of this, those working in a big firm worked harder with motivation. Thus, they appreciate their jobs with large amount of salary. However, the authentic excitement for work enjoyment is that workers have enthusiastic in their job. The reason is that, employee would not mind the pay or gain that is on the job, but they are interested in the work because of the pleasure they derived from it. Take for instance, Adekoya, who is an actor, in his interview said that he derived happiness from acting, which has always made him the happiest person on earth. So, workers should have interest for work. In conclusion, many people invest the important time of their life in working, jobs enjoyment is a crucial component of employees life. Astronomical pay is a factor that promotes job happiness while zealous is a true suspense of job fulfilment for every employee.
It is obvious that
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
majorities of their adulthood in their office, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
pressure is an essential section of adult life. The element that promotes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
achievement is high salary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, and
also
enthusiastic in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is the anticipation of sense of
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
for all employees.

One major aspect
that is
responsible for works
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
is astronomical salary. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when a worker received
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
enormous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
he or she would
be motivated
and happy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
harder. Take
for example
, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
who works in a reputable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pays
enormous salary is always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from those that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
satisfaction.
As a result
of this, those working in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
firm worked harder with motivation.
Thus
, they appreciate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
with large amount of salary.

However
, the authentic excitement for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
enjoyment is that workers have enthusiastic in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. The reason is that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
would not mind the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
or gain
that is
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
are interested
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the pleasure they derived from it. Take
for instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Adekoya
, who is an actor, in his interview said that he derived happiness from acting, which has always made him the happiest person on earth.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, workers should have interest for work.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
invest the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
time of their life in working,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
enjoyment is a crucial component of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
life. Astronomical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
is a factor that promotes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
happiness while zealous is a true suspense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay 59. One should live a relaxed life instead of always hurrying. Why or why nor? Use specific reasonsand examples to support your answer v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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