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Nowadays Internet and television have given ordinary people a chance to become famous Is this a positive or negative development v.1

Nowadays Internet and television have given ordinary people a chance to become famous Is this a positive or negative development v. 1
Although graduating from a decent university provides a good employment opportunity, I believe this is not the only qualification required to secure a good work placement. This essay will discuss why I think a good university degree is necessary, but will also suggest what are the other important skills required in landing a dream job. The cardinal reason for graduating from a good university program is that it provides a sound technical knowledge in the subjects. This is of utmost importance because in a professional working environment, there will be a lot of complex challenges, which an individual will come across. In order to face such challenges having fundamental basics of working domain is pivotal. To illustrate, a chartered accountant is highly respected in the business world due to the in-depth knowledge possessed by these professionals to solve the intricate financial statements of an entity. As a result of this process, there will be a supreme quality of work produced. However, strong subject knowledge is not the only skill required in the globalized business world. There are skills such as being a team player and logical awareness to grow in a corporate hierarchy. With regards to the former, in the era of globalization where people from diverse background work together, the trait of understanding the psychology of team members and supporting them is very vital to have a healthy work culture. As for logical thinking, every board member would prefer a leader who thinks and acts logically rather than emotionally, which is for the benefit of common goals. In conclusion, from my perspective, in recent time university qualification is the minimum requirement to get employed. However, skills such as team player and logical thinking capabilities are steadily gaining importance.
Although graduating from a decent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
provides a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
employment opportunity, I believe this is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
qualification required to secure a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
placement. This essay will discuss why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
degree is necessary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will
also
suggest what are the other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
required in landing a dream job.

The cardinal reason for graduating from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
program is that it provides
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "sound technical knowledge".
a sound technical knowledge
in the subjects. This is of utmost importance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in a professional working environment, there will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
complex challenges, which an individual will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across. In order to face such challenges having fundamental basics of working domain is pivotal. To illustrate, a chartered accountant is
highly
respected in the business world due to the in-depth knowledge possessed by these professionals to solve the intricate financial statements of an entity.
As a result
of this process, there will be a supreme quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
produced.

However
, strong subject knowledge is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
required in the globalized business world. There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as being a team player and logical awareness to grow in a corporate hierarchy.
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
the former, in the era of globalization where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from diverse background
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
together, the trait of understanding the psychology of team members and supporting them is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
vital to have a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
culture. As for logical thinking, every board member would prefer a leader who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
and acts
logically
rather
than
emotionally
, which is for the benefit of common goals.

In conclusion
, from my perspective, in recent time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
qualification is the minimum requirement to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
employed.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as team player and logical thinking capabilities are
steadily
gaining importance.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Nowadays Internet and television have given ordinary people a chance to become famous Is this a positive or negative development v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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