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Some people believe that the government should ban dangerous sporting activities while others think that people have the freedom do whatever sports they choose. v.1

Some people believe that the government should ban dangerous sporting activities while others think that people have the freedom do whatever sports they choose. v. 1
Activities, as it is said, keep a person young and energetic. It is in tune with it that a person must always keep oneself occupied with an activity of any sort. Sporting activity is one of many activities which pay no heed to the age barrier. As a matter of fact, sporting activities contribute a lot towards the physical fitness, mental ability / balance and overall characteristic of an individual. However, a ‘dangerous’ sporting activity must be undertaken by an individual with an extra caution. Though a dangerous sporting activity is generally performed due to a sudden rush of adrenalin but the consequences of such an activity are not reasonably positively skewed. The probability of an untoward incident, while performing a dangerous sporting activity, is always high. It is due to this reason that State interference, to a reasonable extent, is welcome. The activities which are more skewed towards the possibility of a fatal accident must be regulated and consequently banned by the government. However, there is another school of thought which is on the view that individuals must be accorded the freedom to choose the sport according to their wishes. The ideology of the followers of this school of thought is that the individual is matured enough to understand what is more beneficial to him. However, they fail to look beyond the veil, probably reason due to which an individual undertakes the performance of such dangerous acts. The reasons may vary from peer pressure, family circumstances, financial needs or just momentary pleasure. Whatever may be the reason, an individual must not be given the liberty to put his life, and consequently the life of his dependents, at risk. The fortnightly sports magazine, The Risktakers, did share the views of the son of the famous skydiver, Peterson, who met with an accident while trying to attempt skiing after getting himself released from the parachute at a height of only 15 feet above the ground level. Yet another interview with the daughter of another renowned sports person, Robinson, revealed the sad story wherein after the death of his paratrooper father, it became difficult for her to make her both ends meet during her teenage. The only reason for the death of her father was that he wanted to set a record of jumping from an unbelievable height. In the end, I am of the opinion that there should be the complete ban on the dangerous sporting activities as it is the survivors of the deceased who has to pay a heavy price for the acts of their mentors.
Activities
, as it
is said
,
keep
a person young and energetic. It is in tune with it that a person
must
always
keep
oneself occupied with an
activity
of any sort. Sporting
activity
is one of
many
activities
which pay no heed to the age barrier.

As a matter of fact, sporting
activities
contribute a lot towards the physical fitness, mental ability / balance and
overall
characteristic of an
individual
.
However
, a ‘
dangerous
’ sporting
activity
must
be undertaken by an
individual
with an extra caution. Though a
dangerous
sporting
activity
is
generally
performed due to a sudden rush of adrenalin
but
the consequences of such an
activity
are not
reasonably
positively
skewed. The probability of an untoward incident, while performing a
dangerous
sporting
activity
, is always high.

It is due to this
reason
that State interference, to a reasonable extent, is welcome. The
activities
which are more skewed towards the possibility of a fatal accident
must
be regulated
and
consequently
banned by the
government
.

However
, there is another school of
thought
which is on the view that
individuals
must
be accorded
the freedom to choose the sport according to their wishes. The ideology of the followers of this school of
thought
is that the
individual
is matured
enough
to understand
what is more
beneficial to him.
However
, they fail to look beyond the veil,
probably
reason
due to which an
individual
undertakes the performance of such
dangerous
acts. The
reasons
may vary from peer pressure, family circumstances, financial needs or
just
momentary pleasure. Whatever may be the
reason
, an
individual
must
not be
given
the liberty to put his life, and
consequently
the life of his dependents, at
risk
. The
fortnightly
sports magazine, The
Risktakers
, did share the views of the son of the
famous
skydiver, Peterson, who met with an accident while trying to attempt skiing after getting himself released from the parachute at a height of
only
15 feet
above the ground level.

Yet
another interview with the daughter of another renowned sports person, Robinson, revealed the sad story wherein after the death of his paratrooper father, it became difficult for her to
make
her both ends
meet
during her teenage. The
only
reason
for the death of her father was that he wanted to set a record of jumping from an unbelievable height.

In the
end
, I am of the opinion that there should be the complete ban on the
dangerous
sporting
activities
as it is the survivors of the deceased who
has to
pay a heavy price for the acts of their mentors.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that the government should ban dangerous sporting activities while others think that people have the freedom do whatever sports they choose. v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
427 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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