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Some people believe that the best way to succeed is to set goal and work hard to achieve them. Other people think that hard work is not as important as good luck. Which point of view do you think is true and why? Use specific reasons and examples to suppo v.1

Some people believe that the best way to succeed is to set goal and work hard to achieve them. Other people think that hard work is not as important as good luck. Which point of view do you think is true and why? Use specific reasons and examples to suppo v. 1
Several people who live in bustling towns and metropolis areas have drawbacks than those who live in small villages and countryside areas. However, I completely disagree with the viewpoint of having disadvantages while residing in cities. In this essay, firstly, I will shed light on the education and work opportunities in urban areas and secondly, the social and cultural merits in these areas. The prominent advantages that people have in the cities are better educational institutions along with numerous jobs in the relevant fields. For instance, with the advent of technology, schools have started the smart class system, which is more interactive mode of teaching for children. What’s more is that scholars will have options for tertiary and postgraduate studies, whereas youngsters in rural areas have to migrate to developed locations for college and university degrees. Therefore, city life has these benefits over countryside’s lifestyle. In addition to above merits, people in developed regions have economic and social benefits. It’s become difficult for commoners in isolated areas to meet friends and visit public places, nonetheless big cities provide frequent transport services and venues to visit which is quite convenient to socialize. Furthermore, economic growth cannot be ignored in cities as many large and wealthy businesses and corporations operate in large towns. Consequently, citizens can gain employment a lot easier. To conclude, there is not denying the fact that the benefits of living in a city are numerous, from public services, friends, healthcare, education and employment prospects. Therefore, I accept that favourable circumstances of city life are actually at the upper edge to that of countryside areas.
Several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in bustling towns and metropolis
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
have drawbacks than those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
villages and countryside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
However
, I completely disagree with the viewpoint of having disadvantages while residing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. In this essay,
firstly
, I will shed light on the education and work opportunities in urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
and
secondly
, the social and cultural merits in these areas.

The prominent advantages that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are better educational institutions along with numerous jobs in the relevant fields.
For instance
, with the advent of technology, schools have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
the smart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
system, which is more interactive mode of teaching for children. What’s more is that scholars will have options for tertiary and postgraduate studies, whereas youngsters in rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
migrate to developed locations for college and university degrees.
Therefore
, city life has these benefits over countryside’s lifestyle.

In addition
to above merits,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in developed regions have economic and social benefits. It’s become difficult for commoners in isolated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
friends and visit public places, nonetheless
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
provide frequent transport services and venues to visit which is quite convenient to socialize.
Furthermore
, economic growth cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
large and wealthy businesses and corporations operate in large towns.
Consequently
, citizens can gain employment a lot easier.

To conclude
, there
The verb 'denying' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is not denying
the fact that the benefits of living in a city are numerous, from public services, friends, healthcare, education and employment prospects.
Therefore
, I accept that
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
circumstances of city life are actually at the upper edge to that of countryside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that the best way to succeed is to set goal and work hard to achieve them. Other people think that hard work is not as important as good luck. Which point of view do you think is true and why? Use specific reasons and examples to suppo v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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