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Some students prefer to attend a school that provides education for women only or man only. Other students prefer to attend a coeducational schools for both women and men. which environment do you think is better and why? Use specific reasons and examples v.1

Some students prefer to attend a school that provides education for women only or man only. Other students prefer to attend a coeducational schools for both women and men. which environment do you think is better and why? Use specific reasons and examples v. 1
Celebrities have a vital impact on the conduct of many in the community. Replicating the renowned figures on the screen and magazines has become a vogue in our modern society. I think this happens because of the extraordinary lifestyle and fan following they possess, moreover the endorsements they do act as a catalyst for such trend. Although, I strongly feel that admiring these figures is inevitable by a common person, however, copying them might have a detrimental effect on the society. In this essay we will discuss the thoughts in detail and will draw an inference. General public embraces this stardom as their role models. The incredible lifestyle that is showcased in multifarious prints and visuals is certainly fascinating for everyone, further resulting in mass admiration of these stars. How is it possible to avoid imitating them, when the whole spotlight remains on them? For example, In India, thousands of people, maintain the same hair cut of their favourite film stars. Moreover, the endorsements done by these celebrities become the paramount element for sale of those products on commoners, as at any cost, they will adhere to their role models. To illustrate, fairness creams, despite of their contentiousness, is sold in the market because of endorsements by most admired stars.   Hence, these hotshots with their super lifestyles and their approval for various products in market provoke people to follow and copy them. On the other side, it is worth to give a thought that how propitious is this imitation. I strongly feel that while copying someone, an individual loses his own identity. This mesmerizing lifestyle is the demand of the profession of these stars, but, people get in an illusion to live such life and forget the real world. A study by the marketing department of Singapore, University states that 3 out of 10 people opt for cosmetic surgeries just to look alike their favourite stars. Where will this obsession end? People tend to spend more than their budgets to imitate these stars, they keep increasing their liabilities, irrespective of the prospective income they have. Having said that, this is certainly going to have a pernicious effect on the well-being of our association. I feel, people need to be educated to understand the difference between following and pursuing for something blindly. To recapitulate, having mulled over above information and deliberating all the facts, it can be deducted that,  the celebrity behaviour and their endorsements are really a driving component for people to imitate them. This trend is having more disadvantages then its benefits to the society. I do not think that imitating the stars is an affordable idea for many, moreover, why to lose our own identity in adhering to someone else.
Celebrities have a vital impact on the conduct of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
in the community. Replicating the renowned figures on the screen and magazines has become a vogue in our modern society. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this happens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the extraordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
and fan following they possess,
moreover
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
endorsements
they do act as a catalyst for such trend. Although, I
strongly
feel that admiring these figures is inevitable by a common person,
however
, copying them might have a detrimental effect on the society. In this essay we will discuss the thoughts in detail and will draw an inference.

Consider using "public".
General public
embraces this stardom as their role models. The incredible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
that
is showcased
in multifarious prints and visuals is
certainly
fascinating for everyone,
further
resulting in mass admiration of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
. How is it possible to avoid imitating them, when the whole spotlight remains on them?
For example
, In India, thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, maintain the same hair
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
of their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
film
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
endorsements
done by these celebrities become the paramount element for sale of those products on commoners, as at any cost, they will adhere to their role models. To illustrate, fairness creams,
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
their contentiousness,
is sold
in the market
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
endorsements
by most admired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Hence
, these hotshots with their super
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
and their approval for various products in market provoke
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to follow and copy them.

On the other side, it is worth to give a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that how propitious is this imitation. I
strongly
feel that while copying someone, an individual loses his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
identity. This mesmerizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
is the demand of the profession of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in an illusion to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
such life and forget the real world. A study by the marketing department of Singapore, University states that 3 out of 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opt for cosmetic surgeries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to look alike their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
. Where will this obsession 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
?
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
tend to spend more than their budgets to imitate these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
increasing their liabilities, irrespective of the prospective income they have. Having said that, this is
certainly
going to have a pernicious effect on the well-being of our association. I feel,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to
be educated
to understand the difference between following and pursuing for something
blindly
.

To recapitulate, having mulled over above information and deliberating all the facts, it can
be deducted
that,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
the celebrity
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
endorsements
are
really
a driving component for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to imitate them. This trend is having more disadvantages
Did you mean "than"?
then
its benefits to the society. I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that imitating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
is an affordable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
,
moreover
, why to lose our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
identity in adhering to someone else.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Some students prefer to attend a school that provides education for women only or man only. Other students prefer to attend a coeducational schools for both women and men. which environment do you think is better and why? Use specific reasons and examples v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
448 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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