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Do you think it is better to study a lone or study with friends? Use reasons to support response. v.1

Do you think it is better to study a lone or study with friends? Use reasons to support response. v. 1
It is argued by some that home teaching is an optimal way of a child's learning, whilst others believe educational institutions are more appropriate for them. This essay will discuss the merits of both sides then I will elucidate my opinion. Undoubtedly, learning at home has various benefits for children. Most important of them all is the extreme convenience it provides to both parents and children. At home children can learn in a better way as they do not have to face competition and peer pressure. Parents provide proper attention and spend quality of time while teaching them at home. For instance, one of my cousins prefer to teach his children at home rather than at school which build strong bonding among them. Hence teaching children at home not only helps to improve their abilities but also plays an indispensable role in developing relationships with family members. Nevertheless, schools are the best places to acquire knowledge. Firstly, in school a child learns in a proper environment where they get a chance to deal with different circumstances, such as how to cope with conflicts and confrontations. Similarly, at educational institutions, students learn team working skills which help them to get a job in foreseeable future. Furthermore, schools develop confidence and encourage children to socialize with their peers which consequently develop soft skills to a certain extent. To illustrate, according to a recent report published by BBC Business, this revealed that regular students are more productive and punctual in their practical life. In conclusion, although both teaching methods have their merits on balance, but I believe schools are far better learning places for children as institutes build confidence and help children to be an active member of the society. Therefore, parents should enrol their children in schools instead of confining them at home.
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
is an optimal way of a child's learning, whilst others believe educational institutions are more appropriate for them. This essay will discuss the merits of both sides then I will elucidate my opinion.

Undoubtedly
, learning at home has various benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
of them all is the extreme convenience it provides to both parents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. At home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn in a better way as they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face competition and peer pressure. Parents provide proper attention and spend quality of time while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
them at home.
For instance
, one of my cousins prefer to teach his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at home
rather
than at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
which build strong bonding among them.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at home not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their abilities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
plays an indispensable role in developing relationships with family members.

Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are the best places to acquire knowledge.
Firstly
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
a child learns in a proper environment where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to deal with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
circumstances, such as how to cope with conflicts and confrontations.
Similarly
, at educational institutions, students learn team working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job in foreseeable future.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
develop confidence and encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to socialize with their peers which
consequently
develop soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to a certain extent. To illustrate, according to a recent report published by BBC Business, this revealed that regular students are more productive and punctual in their practical life.

In conclusion
, although both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
methods have their merits on balance,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are far better learning places for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as institutes build confidence and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be an active member of the society.
Therefore
, parents should enrol their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
instead
of confining them at home.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Do you think it is better to study a lone or study with friends? Use reasons to support response. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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