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Which city in the world would you like to visit? Use specific reasons and details to explain your choice v.2

Which city in the world would you like to visit? Use specific reasons and details to explain your choice v. 2
Grading has been the most popular parameter to analyse performance of students in academics. Due to its imperatives, students often take marking schemes in a challenging manner, consequently, tending them to be under pressure. In my view, grades for sure encourage to perform well, however, whether it is motivating enough to learn is a questionable angle. In general, a good academic record is expected of every parent from their offspring. Now it depends that what criteria makes up for such record. The most prominently used factor to judge it is scoring in studies. Although, good grades may add a star in career life of an individual, it necessarily does not imply that learning got enhanced. Instead, in order to learn something, the motivation should be the curiosity and not the desire of being highest ranker. Scoring can encourage to remember things for short-term, nevertheless, it is not effective in learning for long-term. Apart from just being a scale for measuring better and best among scholars, furthermore, grading acts as a threshold barrier for considering a candidate as fail or pass. In this particular scenario, maybe this approach propels students to study, subsequently making them acquire knowledge too. But yet again, it does not guarantee if learning comes along excellently. In conclusion, I would like to say that the grading system is mostly a method to rank bunch of students. It may be a pushing factor only for some to actually learn concepts. Moreover, learning will always be accompanied by excellence for sure.
Grading has been the most popular parameter to
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
performance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in academics. Due to its imperatives,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
take marking schemes
Consider replacing "in a challenging manner" with the adverb for "challenging"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a challenging manner
,
consequently
, tending them to be under pressure. In my view, grades for sure encourage to perform well,
however
, whether it is motivating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to learn is a questionable angle.

In general
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
academic record is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
of every parent from their offspring.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
it
The verb 'to depend' requires the preposition '(up)on': "depends on".
depends
that what criteria
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "make".
makes
up for such record. The most
prominently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
factor to judge it is scoring in studies. Although,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grades may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
a star in career life of an individual, it
necessarily
does not imply that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
enhanced.
Instead
, in order to learn something, the motivation should be the curiosity and not the desire of being
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
ranker. Scoring can encourage
Did you mean "remembering"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'encourage' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to remember
things for short-term,
nevertheless
, it is not effective in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
for long-term.

Apart from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
being a scale for measuring better and best among scholars,
furthermore
, grading acts as a threshold barrier for considering a candidate as fail or pass. In this particular scenario, maybe this approach propels
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to study,
subsequently
making them acquire knowledge too.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
yet
again, it does not guarantee if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
along
excellently
.

In conclusion
, I would like to say that the grading system is
mostly
a method to rank bunch of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. It may be a pushing factor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
to actually learn concepts.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
will always
be accompanied
by excellence for sure.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Which city in the world would you like to visit? Use specific reasons and details to explain your choice v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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