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It is better for children to choose jobs that are similar to their parents than to choose jobs that are different from their parent s jobs v.1

It is better for children to choose jobs that are similar to their parents than to choose jobs that are different from their parent s jobs v. 1
The world has countries, states, and cities speaking an ample number of languages of different varieties and accents. Although it is an added benefit for a person if he has the knowledge of the local language he is working at or travelling in, some people feel that these are not the only reasons for one to familiarise oneself with foreign languages. In my opinion, I believe that the awareness of non-native languages should not be restricted to a workplace or a travel destination. Admittedly, on the one hand, knowing languages of the area we reside in and are employed at is a necessity considering that the modern work culture does not focus at a particular place or involve employees of just a region. In other words, workers of varied languages tend to come together under the same roof and work together towards a common goal. Hence being familiar with foreign languages enhances communication and helps in creating a bond with people of other cultures and traditions. For example, IT companies hire people from different regions of the country and most of the time it's the language that connects and brings them closer to one another. On the other hand, despite mentioning the above points, I believe languages are not limited or learned just for survival. A language has the potential of improving an individual's personality to a large extent. For instance, languages develop and increases one's respect towards people of another region residing in the society. Furthermore, language familiarity encourages one to access books, writings, and scripts inscribed in a foreign language, thereby intellectually enhancing thoughts and ideas which are reflected in their lifestyle. In conclusion, I think possessing knowledge of other languages not only favours at the residing place or the workplace, but will improve one's personality, bringing about a change in his thought process and way of life.
The world has countries, states, and cities speaking an ample number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
varieties and accents. Although it is an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
benefit for a person if he has the knowledge of the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
he is working at or travelling in,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel that these are not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
reasons for one to
Possible spelling mistake. 'familiarise' is British English.
familiarise
oneself with foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
. In my opinion, I believe that the awareness of non-native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
should not
be restricted
to a workplace or a travel destination.

Admittedly
, on the one hand, knowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
of the area we reside in and
are employed
at is a necessity considering that the modern work culture does not focus at a particular place or involve employees of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a region. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, workers of varied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
together under the same roof and work together towards a common goal.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
being familiar with foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
enhances communication and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in creating a bond with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
cultures and traditions.
For example
, IT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
hire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
regions of the country and most of the time it's the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
that connects and brings them closer to one another.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, despite mentioning the above points, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
are not limited or learned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for survival. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
has the potential of improving an individual's personality to a large extent.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
develop and increases one's respect towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of another region residing in the society.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
familiarity encourages one to access books, writings, and scripts inscribed in a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
, thereby
intellectually
enhancing thoughts and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
which
are reflected
in their lifestyle.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
possessing knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Possible spelling mistake. 'favours' is British English.
favours
at the residing place or the workplace,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
one's personality, bringing about a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
process and way of life.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay It is better for children to choose jobs that are similar to their parents than to choose jobs that are different from their parent s jobs v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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