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Many parents complain that computers games have no value to their children's studies. On the contrary, those online games have produced a lot of negative effects on their mental and physical development. What is your opinion? v.1

Many parents complain that computers games have no value to their children's studies. On the contrary, those online games have produced a lot of negative effects on their mental and physical development. What is your opinion? v. 1
It is believed that in some nations owing to have guns by individuals results in an increase in the number of shootings. I agree with this notion to a large extent as this is worrying problem that looks set to continue. To begin with, issuing weapons by legal authorities such as guns to the army officers, civil officers, celebrities, affluent class is for the sake of their protection at home or any unplanned social events. This is because it makes them feel more secure and ready to tackle any danger such as terror activities. For instance, if any well-known businessman travels with valuable documents in order to fix important business deal, it would be helpful for him to have guns for his safety. Therefore, having arms sometimes make individual life safer and easier. Even though it makes some people safe, the cumulative increase in sum of guns would proportionately increase a statistic of shootings in society. It is generally seen that aggression makes one oblivious about wrong and right decisions which leads to many unpremeditated crimes. For instance, The International Crime Bureau recently revealed statistics showing that more than 50% shooting by the private gun owner had done in the urge of getting revenge as a heat of the moment. Apart from this, many times guns at homes are accessed by teenagers for the urge of knowing how it works in the absence of their possessors and mistakenly it could cause serious happenings. Hence, it shows that easily accessible guns making shooting more common. To recapitulate, although having guns made a segment of society protected, rise in the number of guns possesses has been widening the shooting rate in terms of reacting in short temper and using improperly by teenagers.
It
is believed
that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations owing to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
by individuals results in an increase in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shootings
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion to a large extent as this is worrying problem that looks set to continue.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, issuing weapons by legal authorities such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
to the army officers, civil officers, celebrities, affluent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
is for the sake of their protection at home or any unplanned social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them feel more secure and ready to tackle any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
such as terror activities.
For instance
, if any well-known businessman travels with valuable documents in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
business deal, it would be helpful for him to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
for his safety.
Therefore
, having arms
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
individual life safer and easier.

Even though
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
safe, the cumulative increase in sum of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
would
proportionately
increase a statistic of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shootings
in society. It is
generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that aggression
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
one oblivious about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
and right decisions which leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
unpremeditated crimes.
For instance
, The International Crime Bureau recently revealed statistics showing that more than 50%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shooting
by the private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
owner had done in the urge of getting revenge as a heat of the moment. Apart from this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
at homes
are accessed
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
for the urge of knowing how it works in the absence of their possessors and
mistakenly
it could cause serious happenings.
Hence
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
easily
accessible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shooting
more common.

To recapitulate, although having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
made a segment of society protected, rise in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
possesses has been widening the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shooting
rate in terms of reacting in short temper and using
improperly
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many parents complain that computers games have no value to their children's studies. On the contrary, those online games have produced a lot of negative effects on their mental and physical development. What is your opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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