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Some people believe that telephone is the greatest invention of the last century. To what extent do you agree? v.2

Some people believe that telephone is the greatest invention of the last century. v. 2
Nowadays, its like people can't live without a telephone. Due to which it is consider that phone is the greatest invention of the last century. I agree with this statement. just becuase of this invention, the lives of people has become easier. Eventhough, it has given negative impact on the coming generation. Firstly, lets talk about the thing without which people can't live nowadays. A telephone provide alot of facilities. This invention help the long distance relation to excit. The splited families can keep contact with each others and do video calls. Moreover, it will make us remind about the important dates and things. The moblie can feed all our needed contacts and photos which are close to us. Although users don't need to remamber all the numbers and keep prints of the photos. For example, earlier we used to keep a dariy to note down the numbers of the relatives. Likewise our drawers will be filled with albums of pictures. Ather the electronic device have come in the hands of public they find free places in house. These are the basic things which the users enjoy. Inadditional, now the device provide a lot of facilities. There are many applications which would make publics life easier. The version of the phones are changing day by day. in the meanwhile, mankind doesn't need to go out for anything. Because the application in the cell phone would bring everything to the door steps. Individuals can transfer money to others, can order food, apply of exams, pay bills, do shopping sitting at home, etc. Such as, Google Pay, Uber Eats, Amazon, Flipkart, etc. There are furthermore use of the cell phone, it helps in finding the location. That means we will never get lost in the mid way. However, human beings are getting used to these faclities. Also individuals find problem without the device. To conclude, the moblie phones are usefull for mankinds and it make life better. With a divce human begin can servive like anything. This would give direction in an unknown place and even if there is no money the phone can do a lot for us.
Nowadays, its like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without a telephone. Due to which it is
Consider using a past participle here: "considered".
consider
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is the greatest invention of the last century. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
just
Possible spelling mistake found.
becuase
of this invention, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
has become easier.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Eventhough
, it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the coming generation.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lets
talk about the thing without which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
nowadays. A telephone provide
Possible spelling mistake found.
alot
of facilities. This invention
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "helps".
help
the long distance relation to
Possible spelling mistake found.
excit
. The
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "split", the past tense form of the verb 'split'?
splited
families can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
contact with each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "other"?
others
and do video calls.
Moreover
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us remind about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
dates and things. The
Possible spelling mistake found.
moblie
can feed all our needed contacts and photos which are close to us. Although users don't need to
Possible spelling mistake found.
remamber
all the numbers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
prints of the photos.
For example
, earlier we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a
Possible spelling mistake found.
dariy
to note down the numbers of the relatives.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Likewise
our drawers will
be filled
with albums of pictures.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ather
the electronic device have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in the hands of public they find free places in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. These are the basic things which the users enjoy.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Inadditional
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
the device provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
facilities. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
applications which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
Possible spelling mistake found.
publics
life easier. The version of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are changing day by day.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
the meanwhile, mankind doesn't need to go out for anything.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
the application in the cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
would bring everything to the door steps. Individuals can transfer money to others, can order food, apply of exams, pay bills, do shopping sitting at home, etc. Such as, Google Pay, Uber Eats, Amazon, Flipkart, etc. There are
furthermore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in finding the location. That means we will never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lost in the mid way.
However
, human beings are getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to these
Possible spelling mistake found.
faclities
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
individuals find problem without the device.

To conclude
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
moblie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are
Possible spelling mistake found.
usefull
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
mankinds
and it
Did you mean "makes"?
make
life better. With a
Possible spelling mistake found.
divce
human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
can
Possible spelling mistake found.
servive
like anything. This would give direction in an unknown place and even if there is no money the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
can do a lot for us.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
26Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Some people believe that telephone is the greatest invention of the last century. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
357 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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