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Some people think that politicians have the greatest influence on the world. Other people, however, believe that scientists have the greatest influence. v.2

Some people think that politicians have the greatest influence on the world. Other people, however, believe that scientists have the greatest influence. v. 2
There is no doubt that both politicians and scientists are exerting a powerful influence in our world; while politicians tend to lead a country by establishing better laws and treaties and governing their country well in all fields, scientists tend to reshape the world by developing high technology. Obviously, no country would proceed well without the influential of politicians who represent a country’s image and status on the international stage. They need to confer together to make feasible treaties which decide the commerce between two different countries. Only when the top heads come to an agreement will there be a possibility for expanding international market, which constitutes an indispensable part of a country’s economy in today’s open world. Thus, there is no denial that the world’s prosperity is contingent on how well politicians from different countries cooperate. On the other hand, scientists have been a forceful team to drive the world to progress and provide technical support for politicians to defend a country, which is one of the most important symbols to represent national strength. High technologies developed by scientists have been applied in military, exploring outer space etc, which cannot be achieved only by the power of politicians. However, the high technology could be a disaster if there are no effective and potent laws legislated by politicians. That’s why heads of six states need to come together to defuse the Korean nuclear crisis. In conclusion, politicians and scientists are changing our world in different ways and neither is less influential. Without perfect laws and regulations, high technology may be used in a wrong way leading to a catastrophe; and politicians may not be so powerful if they lacked the support of scientists.
There is no doubt that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
are exerting a powerful influence in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
; while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
tend to lead a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
by establishing better laws and treaties and governing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
well in all fields,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
tend to reshape the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
by developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
technology.

Obviously
, no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
would proceed well without
The phrase 'the influential of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the influential of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
who represent a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
image and status on the international stage. They need to confer together to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
feasible treaties which decide the commerce between two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
when the top heads
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to an agreement will there be a possibility for expanding international market, which constitutes an indispensable part of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
economy in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
Thus
, there is no denial that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world’s
prosperity is contingent on how well
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
cooperate.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
have been a forceful team to drive the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
to progress and provide technical support for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
to defend a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, which is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
symbols to represent national strength.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
High
technologies developed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
have
been applied
in military, exploring outer space etc, which cannot
be achieved
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by the power of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
technology could be a disaster if there are no effective and potent laws legislated by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
. That’s why heads of six states need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
together to defuse the Korean nuclear crisis.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
are changing our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways and neither is less influential. Without perfect laws and regulations,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
technology may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
way leading to a catastrophe; and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
may not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
powerful if they lacked the support of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some people think that politicians have the greatest influence on the world. Other people, however, believe that scientists have the greatest influence. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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