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Some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects. But others believe that teenagers should focus on the subject that they are good at or that they find the most interest. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.13

Some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects. But others believe that teenagers should focus on the subject that they are good at or that they find the most interest. v. 13
Education has been evolving by leaps and bounds and providing teenagers with new avenues while keeping them up-to-date with today's ever demanding world. Therefore, a fair amount of people believe, these young adults should concentrate on every subject that schools have to teach. I do not completely agree with this opinion because interest based learning creates a more impactful result, such as domain expertise and a lasting and satisfying life ahead. The most compelling reasons to study all the subjects is because it teaches different important core values to these youngsters. For example, Mathematics teaches problem solving skills, while Philosophy teaches ethics and morals. Another possible reason is the idea of Jack-of-all-trade in the working field. Many companies choose to hire people with multiple skills and domain knowledge, hence, this drives education institutions to push all their students to be one. Despite the above arguments, I am of the view that avidity and passion are above all. First of all, when a person is ardent about a subject, no doubt that he/she would give his best effortlessly. This eventually drives the person to be expertise; For instance, being a computer programmer for many years, one can easily spot errors and fix it effortlessly. Secondly, by focusing on the subjects that they loved, it creates a satisfying life, for instance, police offices who most of the time is a lifetime job. To conclude, while both views are commonly held in the society, I believe that by focusing on domains that these teenagers good at is a better option. Not only one could achieve a high degree of expertise, but also an eventual fulfilling life. Given this situation, it is recommended that schools offer these options and not enforcing students to enrol in all subjects.
Education has been evolving by leaps and bounds and providing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
with new avenues while keeping them up-to-date with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's ever demanding world.
Therefore
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe, these young adults should concentrate on every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
that schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
. I do not completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
interest based learning creates a more impactful result, such as domain expertise and a lasting and satisfying life ahead.

The most compelling reasons to study all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaches
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
core values to these youngsters.
For example
, Mathematics
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaches
problem solving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, while Philosophy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaches
ethics and morals. Another possible reason is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of Jack-of-all-trade in the working field.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
choose to hire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with multiple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and domain knowledge,
hence
, this drives education institutions to push all their students to be one.

Despite the above arguments, I am of the view that avidity and passion are
above all
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, when a person is ardent about a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
, no doubt that he/she would give his best
effortlessly
. This
eventually
drives the person to be expertise;
For instance
, being a computer programmer for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years, one can
easily
spot errors and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
it
effortlessly
.
Secondly
, by focusing on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
, it creates a satisfying life,
for instance
, police offices who most of the time is a lifetime job.

To conclude
, while both views are
commonly
held in the society, I believe that by focusing on domains that these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at is a better option. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one could achieve a high degree of expertise,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
an eventual fulfilling life.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
this situation, it
is recommended
that schools offer these options and not enforcing students to enrol in all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects. But others believe that teenagers should focus on the subject that they are good at or that they find the most interest. v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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