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Many young children have unsupervised access to the internet and are using the internet to socialize with others. This has can lead a number of dangerous situations which can be threatening for children. Which problems do children face when going online without parents supervision? How can these problems be solved? v.2

Many young children have unsupervised access to the internet and are using the internet to socialize with others. This has can lead a number of dangerous situations which can be threatening for children. Which problems do children face when going online without parents supervision? How can these problems be solved? v. 2
The usage of the internet has increased over the past few years. It provides us with multiple platforms to connect with people. Because of its easy to use nature, children can exploit it on their own. It may lead them to some dangerous situations. Hence, parents need to be careful with their usage of cyberspace. The main problem with providing children with free and unrestricted access to the web is that they might get trapped in dangerous situations by bad people. Children cannot differentiate between right and wrong. The evildoers are always in search of young and innocent children over social media, whom they can exploit for their selfish purposes. For example, a thief may project himself as a very good person and try to get details such as address, lifestyle of the child's parents, etc. Such details can then be used to rob the house. Because the intensity of the threat is high, parents need to take some steps to save the children from the ill-effects of the web. Parents should try to be around, when children are using the internet. This way they know which all websites their kids are using and they can guide them. Parents should also use the technological solutions such as software, which help parents track the browsing history of their kid. They can also purchase the software at the router levels, which will block some genre of websites and therefore, children cannot access them. To conclude, exposure of the internet to the young may lead them to difficult situations, but, in this era, keeping them away from it is not an option. As a result, parents may need to use the technological solutions to stay careful and attentive of the stuff their children have accessed over the web.
The usage of the internet has increased over the past few years. It provides us with multiple platforms to connect with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of its easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
nature,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can exploit it on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. It may lead them to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
situations.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
need to be careful with their usage of cyberspace.

The main problem with providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with free and unrestricted access to the web is that they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
trapped in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
situations by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
cannot differentiate between right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
. The evildoers are always in search of young and innocent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
over social media, whom they can exploit for their selfish purposes.
For example
, a thief may project himself as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
person and try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
such as address, lifestyle of the child's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, etc. Such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
can then be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to rob the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
the intensity of the threat is high,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
need to take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
steps to save the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from the ill-effects of the web.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should try to be around, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are using the internet. This way they know which all websites their kids are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
using and
they can guide them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the technological solutions such as software, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
the browsing history of their kid. They can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the software at the router levels, which will block
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
genre of websites and
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
cannot access them.

To conclude
, exposure of the internet to the young may lead them to difficult situations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, in this era, keeping them away from it is not an option.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
may need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the technological solutions to stay careful and attentive of the stuff their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have accessed over the web.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many young children have unsupervised access to the internet and are using the internet to socialize with others. This has can lead a number of dangerous situations which can be threatening for children. Which problems do children face when going online without parents supervision? How can these problems be solved? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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