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Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free times. This can benefit teenagers and benefit the community as well. To what extend do you agree or disagree. v.1

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free times. This can benefit teenagers and benefit the community as well. v. 1
Nowadays, we see many people volunteering in the community work. It is believed that the people who are in their teenage should definitely work for their community, irrespective of the money they get in return. Such unpaid social work can help not only the volunteers to gain some practical knowledge, but also the community with the free resources they receive. This essays agrees completely with the proposal of making the teenagers to work without any salary for their community. First of all, no money can buy an individual the experience he gets from the community service. Although the work teenagers should do is a voluntary work, but they earn a lot of on field experience that can help them later on in their professional life. For instance, if a teenager works in a community center to water the plants, he will surely get a lot of benefits in future if he plans to work in the field of botany. Similarly, any experience gained never remains unused, rather it becomes very useful in the particular moment of need. Furthermore, such a community work not only help the individual himself, but also the community itself receives a lot of benefits from this kind of voluntary works. Such work without any wage benefits the community to complete the work that were done earlier by the paid manpower. Manpower is an important resource to maintain proper functioning of the community centers. For example, the Sikh people of the South Hall United area manage all the services with the voluntary work done mostly by the teenagers. While the students of high school find a lot of free time during their regular studies, they should actively participate in the community work. To conclude, while community work is crucial for the moral as well as physical development of the community, I strongly agree with motivating teenagers to work for their community without any intentional benefit.
Nowadays, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
volunteering in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. It
is believed
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are in their teenage should definitely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
, irrespective of the money they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in return. Such unpaid social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the volunteers to gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
practical knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
with the free resources they receive.
Did you mean "these"?
This
essays
You should probably use "agree".
agrees
completely with the proposal of making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
without any salary for their community.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, no money can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
an individual the experience he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
service. Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
should do is a voluntary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they earn a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of on field experience that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them later on in their professional life.
For instance
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
works in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
center to water the plants, he will
surely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
in future if he plans to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the field of botany.
Similarly
, any experience gained never remains unused,
rather
it becomes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful in the particular moment of need.

Furthermore
, such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the individual himself,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
itself receives a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
from this kind of voluntary works. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
without any wage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
to complete the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
that
were done
earlier by the paid manpower. Manpower is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
resource to maintain proper functioning of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
centers.
For example
, the Sikh
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of the South Hall United area manage all the services with the voluntary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
done
mostly
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
. While the students of high school find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of free time during their regular studies, they should
actively
participate in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
work.

To conclude
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is crucial for the moral
as well
as physical development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with motivating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
without any intentional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free times. This can benefit teenagers and benefit the community as well. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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