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Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree. v.4

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. v. 4
Scientific findings have clearly indicated that the excessive consumption of fast food is leading the health of people to deterioration. According to some people, this unhealthy practice can be stopped by means of education; however, some others have little faith in this solution. As the supporters of each view have their own justifications, whether education is effective remains to be seen in this essay. On the one hand, raising the awareness of people towards the dangers of unhealthy food can certainly yield some promising outcomes. Firstly, many fast food products provide very little or no information on the nutritional content in them, deterring the consumers from knowing the amount of fat, sodium or cholesterol which they take in. By being informed of how much of these harmful substances is contained in their favourite hamburgers or chips, as well as being shown the likely consequences of over-eating these foods, consumers can be more cautious the next time they choose their food. Secondly, education at schools can help to form healthy eating habits for children and parents. For instance, schools can hold some extracurricular activities such as growing and selling vegetables with the attendance of both students and parents, in order to promote the benefits of healthy diets and warn against the potential risks of junk food. On the other hand, some people doubt the effectiveness of education for certain reasons. To begin with, despite being aware of the negative effects of fast food, many people who are too busy persist to eat it due to its being convenient and time-saving. In this case, education hardly makes a difference as they have made a choice. In addition, compared with the wide range and availability of fast food stores and menus, healthy food is seriously limited. Furthermore, healthy food is commonly inferior to fast food in terms of taste and prices as a matter of fact. As a result, however convincing education is, it is almost impossible for people to change their eating habit without a ready alternative to their unhealthy food choices. In conclusion, people have different opinions about whether to support education so as to reduce people’s consumption of fast food. In my opinion, education can be a viable measure with careful consideration of other impediments.
Scientific findings have
clearly
indicated that the excessive consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is leading the health of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to deterioration. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, this unhealthy practice can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
by means of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
;
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
faith in this solution. As the supporters of each view have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
justifications, whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is effective remains to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in this essay.

On the one hand, raising the awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
towards the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
can
certainly
yield
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
promising outcomes.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
products provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no information on the nutritional content in them, deterring the consumers from knowing the amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, sodium or cholesterol which they take in. By
being informed
of how much of these harmful substances
is contained
in their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
hamburgers or chips,
as well
as
being shown
the likely consequences of over-eating these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, consumers can be more cautious the
next
time they choose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
at schools can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to form
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
eating habits for children and parents.
For instance
, schools can hold
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extracurricular activities such as growing and selling vegetables with the attendance of both students and parents, in order to promote the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diets and warn against the potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
of junk food.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
doubt the effectiveness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for certain reasons. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, despite being aware of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are too busy persist to eat it due to its being convenient and time-saving.
In this case
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a difference as they have made a choice.
In addition
, compared with the wide range and availability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
stores and menus,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is
seriously
limited.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is
commonly
inferior to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in terms of taste and prices as a matter of fact.
As a result
,
however
convincing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is, it is almost impossible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their eating habit without a ready alternative to their unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
choices.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions about whether to support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can be a viable measure with careful consideration of other impediments.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
375 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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