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Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree. v.3

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. v. 3
Some members of the society advocate that teenagers must participate in communal work without any charges or fees, while this definitely is beneficial to the community, it also is helpful to these youngsters. In my opinion, I completely agree with this notion. By volunteering into work for the community, teenagers expand their horizon by gaining essential skills like self-confidence, while they not only get to interact and socialize with existing individuals, they also have the chance to improve their communication and interpersonal traits, Furthermore they don't waste their time during their free hours, which provides them with a natural sense of accomplishment. For example, a teenager can participate during his summertime and can create more connections with the people, while helping out the old and poor, thus providing them with satisfaction in life, similarly they can apply academic learning to real-life events. This in turn helps them in understanding plethora of professions, which they can pursue accordingly By the same token, the community reaps the fruits, that is, a progressive and healthy society needs active participation of all its members, For example, new members, especially teenagers, can provide a new sense of perspective to all the volunteers and help them in tackling problems in fun and interesting ways, this gives the old the chance to experience new ways of living and make their lives simpler In conclusion, I believe that communal work is the right step forward for majority of teenagers, as it provides them with new contacts, helps them in choosing the right career paths and increases their self-worth within the society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
members of the society advocate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
participate in communal work without any charges or fees, while this definitely is beneficial to the community, it
also
is helpful to these youngsters. In my opinion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion.

By volunteering into work for the community,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
expand their horizon by gaining essential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
like self-confidence, while they not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to interact and socialize with existing individuals, they
also
have the chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their communication and interpersonal traits,
Furthermore
they don't waste their time during their free hours, which provides them with a natural sense of accomplishment.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
can participate during his
Consider using "summer".
summertime
and can create more connections with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, while helping out the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and poor,
thus
providing them with satisfaction in life,
similarly
they can apply academic learning to real-life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. This in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them in understanding plethora of professions, which they can pursue
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
accordingly


By the same token, the community reaps the fruits,
that is
, a progressive and healthy society needs active participation of all its members,
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
members,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
, can provide a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
sense of perspective to all the volunteers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in tackling problems in fun and interesting ways, this gives the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
the chance to experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
ways of living and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
simpler

In conclusion
, I believe that communal work is the right step forward for
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
, as it provides them with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
contacts,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them in choosing the right career paths and increases their self-worth within the society.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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