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Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree. v.1

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. v. 1
Children are the backbone of our nation. The fair amount of people think that children should participate in social activities in their free period. Therefore, it is beneficial for overall development of children and many issues can be resolved in our society. In my opinion, it is mandatory for schools to conduct productive activities in which student can get to know the importance of selfless service. Nowadays, a number of children's are participating voluntarily in social welfare activities. To promote such social activities majority of schools and colleges launched their campaigns in which student can participate voluntarily to promote such activities. Such kind of activity can develop student overall. Here the responsibility not only lies on school, however, parents should also take their steps to teach their children importance of selfless services to the nation. For example: parents should play with children those games in which they will get to know the significance of selfless services. However, the majority of students in schools participated in irrelevant activities which will not help them to understand the importance if selfless service to the nation. Moreover, schools should conduct activities in such a manner so that children should get depth information regarding how NGO works. In conclusion, it is our responsibility to teach our children the importance of selfless services so that they can participate in it independently.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are the backbone of our nation. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should participate in social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in their free period.
Therefore
, it is beneficial for
overall
development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
issues can
be resolved
in our society. In my opinion, it is mandatory for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to conduct productive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
importance
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
selfless
service.

Nowadays, a number of children's are participating
voluntarily
in social welfare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. To promote such social
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "activities'" or "activity's"?
activities
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and colleges launched their campaigns in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
can participate
voluntarily
to promote such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Such kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
can develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
overall
. Here the responsibility not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
lies on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
however
, parents should
also
take their steps to teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
importance
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
selfless
services to the nation.
For example
: parents should play with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
those games in which they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know the significance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
selfless
services.

However
, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
participated in irrelevant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to understand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
importance
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
selfless
service to the nation.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should conduct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in such a manner
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
depth information regarding how NGO works.

In conclusion
, it is our responsibility to teach our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
importance
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
selfless
services
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can participate in it
independently
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
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Munia Khan

IELTS essay Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
225 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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