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Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, & what measures can be taken to tackle this problem? v.6

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, & what measures can be taken to tackle this problem? v. 6
It is observed that many offenders tend to commit more crimes after they are out from jail. Instead of learning from the mistakes and become a better human being, they commit more crimes. Because of the lazy government who doesn’t make any strict laws for criminals, they keep on committing new crimes. This essay will discuss about why this is happening & the possible solutions to tackle this problem. After serving the first punishment, crime rate does not decrease because the criminals do not take such punishments seriously. They feel that by their personal contacts with the powerful people like many politicians and other government officers; they can easily get bail, and without any harm they’ll walk out from the jail easily. Criminals pay huge bribe to the corrupt police officers and feel that they are harmless and continue committing crimes. In addition, it is also noticed that many criminals get all the facilities in the jail, instead of serving the punishment; they get all the luxuries because of their power. This will continue until & unless the government start taking strict against criminals. The higher authorities should make such strict laws; so that, the criminals learn from their punishment, and not even think to commit another crime again. It becomes the duty of the government to create such rule & regulations that they get afraid of breaking it. To conclude, the authorities should make harsh punishments for every serious crime, therefore, the government should ban taking bribe from criminals and make strict laws so that the criminals learn from their punishment in the very first time.
It
is observed
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
offenders tend to commit more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
after they are out from jail.
Instead
of learning from the mistakes and become a better human being, they commit more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the lazy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
who doesn’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
laws for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on committing new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. This essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss why"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about why
this is happening & the possible solutions to tackle this problem.

After serving the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate does not decrease
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
do not take such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
seriously
. They feel that by their personal contacts with the powerful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
politicians and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
officers; they can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
bail, and without any harm they’ll walk out from the jail
easily
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Criminals
pay huge bribe to the corrupt police officers and feel that they are harmless and continue committing crimes.

In addition
, it is
also
noticed that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
all the facilities in the jail,
instead
of serving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
; they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
all the luxuries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their power. This will continue until & unless the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
. The higher authorities should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
laws;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
learn from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
, and not even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
to commit another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
again. It becomes the duty of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to create such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
& regulations that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
afraid of breaking it.

To conclude
, the authorities should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
harsh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
for every serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
,
therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should ban taking bribe from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
laws
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
learn from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
first
time.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, & what measures can be taken to tackle this problem? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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