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Some people believe that technology has made man more social and others think that it has made him less social. Discuss both the views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people believe that technology has made man more social and others think that it has made him less social. v. 1
In this expeditiously evolving world, it is speculated that technology, which was once accessible to merely a bunch of people, is now part and parcel of everyone’s life. Some savants propound that it has ameliorated our social life. Whereas, others believe that it has weakened our social bonds. I will discuss both the views diligently and give my opinion from a bird’s-eye stance. One the one hand, it is speculated that technology has reduced the latency in connectivity as people can now connect to their loved ones anytime they want. Consequently, people are more social than ever. To illustrate, I talk to my friends over video call every week as our personal and professional commitments hinder us to meet frequently. Also, with the burgeoning popularity of blogs and social platforms like Facebook and Instagram, people are exchanging their thoughts with others around the globe. Furthermore, we can now travel to any part of the world in less than twenty-four hours. On the other hand, some pragmatists reckon that we are always surrounded by virtual people because we spend a slew of our time on social websites. As a result, our personal relations are being devastated. To illustrate, I used to spend most of my day using social applications and meeting new people. Due to which, I had almost lost touch with my family members and cousins. Moreover, millennials are always occupied buy gadgets. Because of which, they don’t go out and socialize. To conclude, I believe that science has helped us to keep a long-distance relationship alive, although it has muddled our close bonds. Therefore, it is advisable to keep a balance and use technology efficiently.
In this
expeditiously
evolving world, it
is speculated
that technology, which was once accessible to
merely
a bunch of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
part and parcel of everyone’s life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
savants propound that it has ameliorated our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
life.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, others believe that it has weakened our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
bonds. I will discuss both the views
diligently
and give my opinion from a bird’s-eye stance.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the one hand, it
is speculated
that technology has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the latency in connectivity as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
connect to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones anytime they want.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
than ever. To illustrate, I talk to my friends over video call every week as our personal and professional commitments hinder us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
frequently
.
Also
, with the burgeoning popularity of blogs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
platforms like Facebook and Instagram,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are exchanging their thoughts with others around the globe.
Furthermore
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
travel to any part of the world in less than twenty-four hours.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pragmatists reckon that we are always surrounded by virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we spend a slew of our time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
websites.
As a result
, our personal relations are
being devastated
. To illustrate, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to spend most of my day using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
applications and meeting new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Due to which, I had almost lost touch with my family members and cousins.
Moreover
, millennials are always occupied
Did you mean "by" or "to buy"?
buy
gadgets.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of which, they don’t go out and socialize.

To conclude
, I believe that science has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a long-distance relationship alive, although it has muddled our close bonds.
Therefore
, it is advisable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a balance and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
technology
efficiently
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay Some people believe that technology has made man more social and others think that it has made him less social. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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