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An increasing number of larger shopping areas, malls and department stores are leading to the decline of smaller corner shops. What are the advantages and disadvantages of shopping in larger shopping center rather than smaller, more traditional shops? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. v.2

An increasing number of larger shopping areas, malls and department stores are leading to the decline of smaller corner shops. What are the advantages and disadvantages of shopping in larger shopping center rather than smaller, more traditional shops? v. 2
It is quite obvious that, purchasing from large stores has its disadvantages, as well as its advantages. The wise person is the one who makes a good utilization of it benefits and avoid its deficits. This will outline some of arguments about the pros and cons of such habit. On one hand, one thought claims that, the drawbacks of shopping from huge malls outweigh the benefits and they have their reasons; Firstly, there is a wasting time to explore the enormous showroom to find out the needed products. Moreover, the cost is higher in that type of shops, as it starts from paying fees for parking, hence, the prices of goods much higher. For instance, if someone decided to buy clothes from a mall, it would be more expensive than purchasing it from traditional shops. Nevertheless, another principle holds a totally different idea, as it believes that the advantages of such type shopping are higher than its deficits for the following causes. First, the diversity of the categories of products that available in same store. Thus, everything can be purchased from the same place. Furthermore, in the gigantic malls there is a kids area where parents can leave children enjoying their time until they finish shopping. For example, when a small family goes to a mall they can buy the grocery products, meat, fish, and electronic products, whilst the younger are playing in a safe place without any fear. To summarize, what seem benefits to some, could be drawbacks for others. There is nothing absolute. Concerning me, I totally agree with the last concept which states that, the advantages of purchasing from larger shopping areas surpass its deficits.
It is quite obvious that, purchasing from large stores has its disadvantages,
as well
as its advantages. The wise person is the one who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
utilization of it benefits and avoid its deficits. This will outline
After 'some of', you should use 'the' ("some of the arguments") or simply say "some arguments".
some of arguments
about the pros and cons of such habit.

On one hand, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
claims that, the drawbacks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
from huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
outweigh the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
benefits and
they have their reasons;
Firstly
, there is a wasting time to explore the enormous showroom to find out the needed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
Moreover
, the cost is higher in that type of shops, as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
from paying fees for parking,
hence
, the prices of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
much higher.
For instance
, if someone decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
clothes from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
, it would be more expensive than purchasing it from traditional shops.

Nevertheless
, another principle holds a
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, as it believes that the advantages of such type
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
are higher than its deficits for the following causes.
First
, the diversity of the categories of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that available in same store.
Thus
, everything can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
from the same place.
Furthermore
, in the gigantic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
Did you mean "there are a kids"?
there is a kids
area where parents can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
children enjoying their time until they finish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
For example
, when a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
family goes to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the grocery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, meat, fish, and electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, whilst the younger are playing in a safe place without any fear.

To summarize
, what seem benefits to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, could be drawbacks for others. There is nothing absolute. Concerning me, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the last concept which states that, the advantages of purchasing from larger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
areas surpass its deficits.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay An increasing number of larger shopping areas, malls and department stores are leading to the decline of smaller corner shops. What are the advantages and disadvantages of shopping in larger shopping center rather than smaller, more traditional shops? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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