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Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To What extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. v. 1
It is an unfortunate reality of today's world that majority adore and praise media personalities, not for their accomplishments, but merely for their charm and riches. I agree that this view certainly has an adverse impact on gullible youth, in particular, who believes such worldly possessions as the ace of human achievement. However, there are exceptions to it. This essay sheds some light on how young minds perceive success, idealizing celebrities while many amongst them lack the qualities to look up to. Firstly, youth forgets that there is no shortcut to fame and fortune, rather they are the outcomes of a strong determination, disciplined lifestyle and endless dedication. Celebrities’ real artistry should be inspirational to the young generations, whereas, youth only fantasizes their extravagant lifestyle and unrealistic beauty standards. Consequently, a person with wealth and beauty becomes an idol for many without having any righteous personality. For instance, disregarding social and charitable work of the superstars is definitely a wrong possession of their true personality which sets substandard inspiration for youngsters. On the other hand, not all adolescents are credulous. They consider the blood, sweat and tears behind the wealth and glamour. For them a mega star is an epitome of struggle, perseverance and achievement. For example, Mary Kom, the renowned world champion boxer might lack glamour and wealth compared to other celebs, but she is an honourable inspiration to youngsters. In conclusion, having analysed how worldly possessions, can affect minors’ perception towards success, it is proven that this does set a faulty example. Hence, minors should be encouraged to realise that, a man's worth should not be judged by his possessions, rather by the journey he goes through to achieve those.
It is an unfortunate reality of
today
's world
that majority adore
and praise media personalities, not for their accomplishments,
but
merely
for their charm and riches. I
agree
that this view
certainly
has an adverse impact on gullible youth,
in particular
, who believes such worldly
possessions
as the ace of human achievement.
However
, there are exceptions to it. This essay sheds
some
light on how young minds perceive success, idealizing celebrities while
many
amongst them lack the qualities to look up to.

Firstly
, youth forgets that there is no shortcut to fame and fortune,
rather
they are the outcomes of a strong determination, disciplined lifestyle and endless dedication. Celebrities’ real artistry should be inspirational to the young generations, whereas, youth
only
fantasizes their extravagant lifestyle and unrealistic beauty standards.
Consequently
, a person with wealth and beauty becomes an idol for
many
without having any righteous personality.
For instance
, disregarding social and charitable work of the superstars is definitely a
wrong
possession
of their true personality which sets substandard inspiration for youngsters.

On the other hand
, not all adolescents are credulous. They consider the blood, sweat and tears behind the wealth and glamour. For them a mega star is an epitome of struggle, perseverance and achievement.
For example
, Mary
Kom
, the renowned world champion boxer might lack glamour and wealth compared to other celebs,
but
she is an
honourable
inspiration to youngsters.

In conclusion
, having
analysed
how worldly
possessions
, can affect minors’ perception towards success, it
is proven
that this does set a faulty example.
Hence
, minors should
be encouraged
to
realise
that, a
man
's worth should not
be judged
by his
possessions
,
rather
by the journey he goes through to achieve those.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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