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Some people think that technology has made man more social, while others think people have become less social. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.1

Some people think that technology has made man more social, while others think people have become less social. 1
There have been a rise in the use of technology to communicate today. Some people hold the view that modern technological advancements have improved interactions, but to others, it is an idea that is not welcome because of the its negative effects on their social life. Personally, I think that it makes man less social. On the one hand, some people use mobile phones, computers and the internet to make friends and communicate regularly. Through phone calls and the use of social media applications such as Facebook, Telegram and Instagram, people can have live chats and video calls with their friends and like minds and interact on a regular basis. This shows the positive effect of technology on socialization. However, other people argue that technology has negatively impacted on their relationship with their family members as well as people in their immediate environment. This arises owing to the huge amount of time spent on electronic devices rather than on face-to-face interactions with people in their close proximity like siblings, parents and neighbours. For instance, some teenagers in technologically advanced countries spend most of their time indoors, listening to music, watching movies and surfing the internet and they have less social life. As a result, technology has made people less social and I agree with this view. In conclusion, although some people think that technology has made humans more social, I believe that it takes away the time people need to socialise, which has negative effects on their relationships. Efforts geared towards educating people of this view should be encouraged.
There have been a rise in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
to communicate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold the view that modern technological advancements have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
interactions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to others, it is an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that is
not welcome
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
life.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
less social.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
mobile phones, computers and the internet to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends and communicate
regularly
. Through phone calls and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media applications such as Facebook, Telegram and Instagram,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
chats and video calls with their friends and like minds and interact on a regular basis. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
on socialization.

However
, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
negatively
impacted on their relationship with their family members
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their immediate environment. This arises owing to the huge amount of time spent on electronic devices
rather
than on face-to-face interactions with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their
Consider using "proximity".
close proximity
like siblings, parents and
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
in
technologically
advanced countries spend most of their time indoors, listening to music, watching movies and surfing the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
internet and
they have less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
life.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has made humans more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
, I believe that it takes away the time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialise' is British English.
socialise
, which has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on their relationships. Efforts geared towards educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of this view should
be encouraged
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that technology has made man more social, while others think people have become less social. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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