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Some people believe that technology has made man more social and others think it has made him less social. Discuss both the views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people believe that technology has made man more social and others think it has made him less social. v. 1
In this expeditiously transforming technological era, man, the social anima, has covered himself in a shell. Some people propound that technology has brought people closer. Whereas, others believe that the level of interaction and the depth of emotion have mitigated because of it. I will discuss both the views diligently and give my opinion from a bird's-eye stance. Accentuating the supporting side, I reckon that that long distance interaction and communication were never so convenient, like they are today. As a result, we are always connected to our loved ones, who are miles away. To illustrate, international calls, which used to cost an arm and a leg earlier, are now easy as pie because of internet calling platforms like WhatsApp and Skype. Social media, on the other hand, plays an eminent role in connecting our long-lost acquaintance and making the world smaller. Although conversations might be short, but we know what’s happening in our friend’s life, sitting thousand miles away. To embark on the compelling outlook, I believe that nowadays people have become more self-involved and are just allured by the glory on the other side of their phone screens as they spend maximum time of the day exploring their devices. Propounding the contemporary trend, a person might have 1000 friends on Facebook, but won’t even interact with 100 on a regular basis. Technology has indeed brought people closer, but has also inculcated the ill- habit of sticking to mobile phones or laptops, sidelining the paramount importance of going out and meeting people. To substantiate further, today, people, especially the younger generation prefer to stay at home and watch a series on Netflix than going to a public gathering. To summarize the whole argument, I consider that social life of today’s human has deteriorated. Members of the same family might be sitting in the same room, but they are more fascinated by the illusion of social media and technology rather than showing interest in each other’s life. This advancement might have brought people closer on a platform, but have reduced the feeling of empathy. Hence, it can be stated that human has become less social.
In this
expeditiously
transforming technological era,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
anima, has covered himself in a shell.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
propound that technology has brought
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
closer. Whereas, others believe that the level of interaction and the depth of emotion have mitigated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of it. I will discuss both the views
diligently
and give my opinion from a bird's-eye stance.

Accentuating the supporting side, I reckon that that long distance interaction and communication were never
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
convenient, like they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
As a result
, we are always connected to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones, who are miles away. To illustrate, international calls, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to cost an arm and a leg earlier, are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
easy as pie
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of internet calling platforms like WhatsApp and Skype.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
media, on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, plays an eminent role in connecting our long-lost acquaintance and making the world smaller. Although conversations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be short,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we know what’s happening in our friend’s life, sitting thousand miles away.

To embark on the compelling outlook, I believe that nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have become more self-involved and are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
allured by the glory on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side of their phone screens as they spend maximum time of the day exploring their devices. Propounding the contemporary trend, a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
have 1000 friends on Facebook,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
won’t even interact with 100 on a regular basis. Technology has
indeed
brought
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
closer,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
has
also
inculcated the ill- habit of sticking to mobile phones or laptops, sidelining the paramount importance of going out and meeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. To substantiate
further
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
the younger generation prefer to stay at home and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a series on Netflix than going to a public gathering.

To summarize
the whole argument, I consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
life of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s human has deteriorated. Members of the same family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be sitting in the same room,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are more fascinated by the illusion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media and technology
rather
than showing interest in each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other’s
life. This advancement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
have brought
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
closer on a platform,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the feeling of empathy.
Hence
, it can
be stated
that human has become less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that technology has made man more social and others think it has made him less social. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
355 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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