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Some people believe that technology has made a man more sociable and others think that it has made us less sociable. Discuss both views and give your opinion? v.4

It is often, believe my some people that now a day people are more sociable due to the advancement in technology, other think it makes them less. This essay will explain both the views and my opinion about this statement. Without no doubt that now days this technology makes our life more easier and faster. There are many technology such as internet which makes the distance closer. With this internet we can communicate with our family member, friends any time, anywhere, in this planet. For an example with the help of internet we can talk face to face video chat with friends anywhere. Moreover, latest innovation in transport like train, airplane also heip us to travel any part of world. On the other hand, this technology have many disadvantage. The technology have negative effect on children and adult because they are spending more and more time in internet instead of going outside with friends. In past people spend more time outside with their friend by playing game, it helps them to engage in society. Moreover, now a day people are becoming more introvert. As a result, they are enjoying in virtual world rather then in real world. In conclusion, there is no doubt that technology helps us for more sociable, however by spending more time it makes habitual which is bad effect. Therefore with the appropriate use of it makes life better.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
, believe my
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
a day
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people
are more sociable due to the advancement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them less. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
both the views and my opinion about this statement.

Without no doubt that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
days this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
our life
Use only “easier” (without ‘more’) when you use the comparative.
more easier
and faster. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
such as internet which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
the distance closer. With this internet we can communicate with our family member,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, anywhere, in this planet. For an example with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of internet we can talk face to face video chat with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
anywhere.
Moreover
,
A determiner is probably missing here: “the latest”.
latest
innovation in transport like train, airplane
also
Possible spelling mistake found.
heip
us to travel any part of world.

On the other hand
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
have
Possible agreement error. The noun disadvantage seems to be countable; consider using: “many disadvantages”.
many disadvantage
. The
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technology
have
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negative
effect on children and adult
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are spending more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in internet
instead
of going outside with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. In past
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people
spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
outside with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
by playing game, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to engage in society.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
a day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming more introvert.
As a result
, they are enjoying in virtual world
rather
Did you mean “than”? ‘than’ is used for comparisons, ‘then’ is an expression of time.
then
in real world.

In conclusion
, there is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us for more sociable,
however
by spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
habitual which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effect.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
with the appropriate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
life better.
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IELTS essay Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
232 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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