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Some people think that people who choose a job early and keep doing it are more likely to get a satisfying in their career life than those who frequently change jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that people who choose a job early and keep doing it are more likely to get a satisfying in their career life than those who frequently change jobs. v. 1
It is a common view shared by many people that employees who decide to their career way in advance and carry it on for years are presumably more satisfying in their professional life compared to the others who have no regular jobs. Personally, I completely agree with the statement. This will be shown by looking at both private and business lives of people having a steady job. Firstly, people choosing a job formerly and being determined about it have a more planned private life. For example, employees having to work from eight to five have to wake up on time and their expenses even places that they plan to go are decided before. Since everything in their lives is in a certain pattern, they don't want to take a risk about a job change. Therefore, they lead a more regular life and likely to be satisfied than people who cannot achieve stability in business life. Secondly, people working for the same company for a long time have more advantages in their professional business life. For instance, these people are known by everyone and they have sufficient credibility in their work. Thanks to this reliability, they have a higher chance to upgrade their status by overcoming competition between employees. Thus, they achieve their expectations and provide stability in their professional life as well as their private life. In conclusion, I agree that it is more likely to be successful for people keeping working for years with a stability than those not achieving success in this regard. It is recommended that people should be more grateful to achieve.
It is a common view shared by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that employees who decide to their career way in advance and carry it on for years are presumably more satisfying in their professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
compared to the others who have no regular jobs.
Personally
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement. This will
be shown
by looking at both private and business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
having a steady job.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choosing a job
formerly
and
being determined
about it have a more planned private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For example
, employees having to work from eight to five
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wake up on time and their expenses even places that they plan to go
are decided
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. Since everything in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
is in a certain pattern, they don't want to take a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
about a job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
Therefore
, they lead a more regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and likely to
be satisfied
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who cannot achieve stability in business life.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working for the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
for a long time have more advantages in their professional business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For instance
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are known
by
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
everyone and
they have sufficient credibility in their work. Thanks to this reliability, they have a higher chance to upgrade their status by overcoming competition between employees.
Thus
, they achieve their expectations and provide stability in their professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as well
as their private life.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is more likely to be successful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
keeping working for years with a stability than those not achieving success in this regard. It
is recommended
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be more grateful to achieve.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Some people think that people who choose a job early and keep doing it are more likely to get a satisfying in their career life than those who frequently change jobs. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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