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Some people believe that technology has made a man more sociable and others think that it has made us less sociable. Discuss both views and give your opinion? v.1

Some people believe that technology has made a man more sociable and others think that it has made us less sociable. v. 1
It is often argued that the advancement in technology provides a medium of interaction among people, whilst others disagree and believe that the frequent usage of technology paves the way to an introvert personality. However, I agree with the former viewpoint in this essay and discuss both the opinions with examples. The advent of the internet has bridged the long-distance communication gap between friends and families. As a result, one can connect to anyone and anywhere on this planet with the click of a button. Social networking sites such as Facebook is a prime example of this, where individuals can follow the updates of their friends and interact with each other without any geographical barrier. Therefore, cutting-edge technology is a worthwhile tool to be socially active. On the other hand, there are certain people who hold a different opinion and think that the excess use of technology deprives of real human interaction, which is an important aspect of every bond. For example, modern children prefer to spend their time playing mobile games rather than playing outdoor games. As a result, they do not get a chance to communicate with the children of their age by sitting at home all day long after schools. Although, I believe that human interaction is still possible by playing online games such as chess and pool with friends and playing these games also improves the level of cognition. In addition to this, individuals can also join the online groups of their interest to share their ideas and thoughts with each other. Thus, this essay disagrees that technology should be dismissed for this reason. To conclude, while technological advancements keep people closer and socially connected, some still feel that it as a reason for a communication gap. Nonetheless, as long as we are careful about its right usage, the social benefits are clearly positive.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that the advancement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
provides a medium of interaction among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, whilst others disagree and believe that the frequent usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
paves the way to an introvert personality.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former viewpoint in this essay and discuss both the opinions with examples.

The advent of the internet has bridged the long-distance communication gap between friends and families.
As a result
, one can connect to anyone and anywhere on this planet with the click of a button. Social networking sites such as Facebook is a prime example of this, where individuals can follow the updates of their friends and interact with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
without any geographical barrier.
Therefore
, cutting-edge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is a worthwhile tool to be
socially
active.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who hold a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinion and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the excess
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
deprives of real human interaction, which is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect of every bond.
For example
, modern children prefer to spend their time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
As a result
, they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to communicate with the children of their age by sitting at home all day long after schools. Although, I believe that human interaction is
still
possible by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
such as chess and pool with friends and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the level of cognition.
In addition
to this, individuals can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the online groups of their interest to share their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and thoughts with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
Thus
, this essay disagrees that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
should
be dismissed
for this reason
.

To conclude
, while technological advancements
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
closer and
socially
connected,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
still
feel that it as a reason for a communication gap. Nonetheless, as long as we are careful about its right usage, the social benefits are
clearly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that technology has made a man more sociable and others think that it has made us less sociable. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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