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some people believe that teach children the literature and history of their history of other countries. To what exrant do you agree or disagree? v.1

some people believe that teach children the literature and history of their history of other countries. To what exrant v. 1
Introduction In recent years, ordinary people without any specific backgrounds become famous through social media and the public follow them. Some people think it is a good phenomenon, while others disagree with it. This essay will explore the reasons why people show an interest in celebrities' lives and explain why I think it is a negative trend. This phenomenon has been accelerated ever since the use of social media became popular. In reality, some celebrities started their career from posting their videos or photos on the internet using YouTube or Facebook, for instance. As many people have an access to these platforms, it is easy to get attention of the public, making them popular easily. One of the reasons why people follow the lives of these celebrities is that people can easily correlate their lives to that of famous people because they share the ordinary backgrounds. While it is almost impossible for the public to lead a life of typical celebrities such as movie stars and famous singers, the lives of ordinary people can be easily copied. For these reasons, people are interested in their lives. Even though these celebrities can influence people in a positive way by sharing their talents, thoughts and experiences via the media, I consider that paying too much attention to the lives of celebrities as a negative trend with consideration of its potential negative effects on young children. As some of the famous people on these social media make it sounds easy to become famous and earn money, therefore, many children think that they can be one of them in the future, rather than focusing on study and working hard to pursue one's dream job. Thus, the negative effects on young children cannot be underestimated. In conclusion, the public are interested in the lives of famous people, especially those of ordinary backgrounds as they can easily correlate themselves to the lifestyle of these people. Although they can influence the public in a positive way to some extent, the negative effects on children cannot be ignored.
Introduction

In recent years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
without any specific backgrounds become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
through social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
follow them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
phenomenon, while others disagree with it. This essay will explore the reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
an interest in celebrities'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
trend.

This phenomenon has
been accelerated
ever since the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
became popular. In reality,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
their career from posting their videos or photos on the internet using YouTube or Facebook,
for instance
. As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "access".
an access
to these platforms, it is easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
attention of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
, making them popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easily
. One of the reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
follow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easily
correlate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
to that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they share the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ordinary
backgrounds. While it is almost impossible for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
to lead a life of typical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
such as movie stars and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
singers, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easily
copied. For these reasons,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are interested
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Even though
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
can influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way by sharing their talents, thoughts and experiences via the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, I consider that paying too much attention to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
trend with consideration of its potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
effects on young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. As
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on these social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it sounds easy to become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
and earn money,
therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they can be one of them in the future,
rather
than focusing on study and working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to pursue one's dream job.
Thus
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
effects on young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
cannot
be underestimated
.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
are interested
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
those of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ordinary
backgrounds as they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easily
correlate themselves to the lifestyle of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Although they can influence the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay some people believe that teach children the literature and history of their history of other countries. To what exrant v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
340 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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