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some people believe that teach children the literature and history of their history of other countries. To what exrant do you agree or disagree? v.2

some people believe that teach children the literature and history of their history of other countries. To what exrant v. 2
I think that it must significant to learn teenager the cultural history through some off spring ponder that literature and local history essential all the nations. There are very strong opinion impact of pupil life. There are manifold reasons behind for this. This essay would throw some light an all the aspects to see things in the right perspective. The seeds to the issue are multiheads. There most predominant today juveniles can not interact one to another dozen in their life as well as they always like introvert himself. Hence, kids has plethora time killing on social website than youth have using umpteen application if electronic devices. For instance, cell phone, computer, tablet, laptop, youtube, twitter and so on. Therefore, youngster could consciousness any activities but also they would not like conversation with someone. Nevertheless, there are no denying, in my point of view and elder trust that law should compulsory for anyone colleges, schools, university all in all teacher must talk about rituals and religious places for student life. For example, gurdwara Sahib, golden temple, and extra. Lastly, sir can do awareness for literature and custom with kids as far as they can try it. All said and down, I reckon on one hand it is no doubt in these days technology is very fast. Thus, it is many common things either everybody using in our life. on other hand adolescent can think that every could start the religious study for student life. Then, it is very superb effect of children life instead of we can upsurge knowledge day by day such as they must know about their tradition religions.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
significant to learn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
the cultural history through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
off spring ponder that literature and local history essential all the nations. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
strong opinion impact of pupil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. There are manifold reasons behind for this. This essay would throw
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light an all the aspects to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
things
The usual preposition for "perspective" is "from" not "in." "from the right perspective".
in the right perspective
.

The seeds to the issue are
Possible spelling mistake found.
multiheads
. There most predominant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
juveniles can not interact one to another dozen in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as well
as they always like introvert himself.
Hence
, kids has plethora time killing on social website than youth have using umpteen application if electronic devices.
For instance
, cell phone, computer, tablet,

laptop,
Possible spelling mistake found.
youtube
, twitter

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Therefore
, youngster
The word 'consciousness' is a noun or an adjective. A verb is missing or misspelled, or maybe a comma is missing.
could consciousness
any activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they would not like conversation with someone.

Nevertheless
, there are no denying, in my point of view and elder trust that law should compulsory for anyone colleges, schools, university all in all teacher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
talk about rituals and religious places for student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
gurdwara
Sahib, golden temple,

and extra.
Lastly
, sir can do awareness for literature and custom with kids as far as they can try it.

All said and down, I reckon on one hand it is no doubt in these
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "days'" or "day's"?
days
technology is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
.
Thus
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
common things either everybody
The pronoun 'everybody' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "uses", "used".
using
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
other hand adolescent can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that every could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
the religious study for student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Then, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
superb effect of children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
instead
of we can upsurge knowledge day by day such as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
know about their tradition religions.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay some people believe that teach children the literature and history of their history of other countries. To what exrant v. 2

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
271 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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