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Some people believe that it is more important to teach children the literature and history of their own country, rather than the literature and history of other countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people believe that it is more important to teach children the literature and history of their own country, rather than the literature and history of other countries. v. 2
It is sometimes argued that it is more necessary for students to study local books and events than the global literature and history. While I agree that the teaching of national novels and historical events is essential, studying the ideas, culture and history of other countries is equally important. The main reason why covering aspects of books and events of their own country is necessary is that it develops children’s patriotism. In the literature book of Vietnamese third-graders, pupils have a chance to read the fairy tale about Thanh Giong. In this way, they can understand how Vietnamese heroes protected the nation from invaders and the challenges that our ancestors faced in the past. As a result, young people at primary school age will always feel grateful for their ancestors’ contributions to our country. Therefore, they will be inspired to study hard and make efforts to contribute to the development of Vietnam. The teaching of foreign literature and history also plays a vital role in the curriculum. Learning about international books and events that took place around the world allows students to improve their knowledge and develop global citizenship at an early age. When they study about Western countries’ literature and history, they can realize the cultural differences between Vietnam and other parts of the world. In addition, early exposure to foreign novels and historical events is a good preparation for children’s ability to integrate with outside the world. For example, when they have chances to study abroad or work for an international organization, they can adapt to new surroundings easily and avoid culture shocks. In conclusion, in order to develop children’s patriotism and ensure a bright future for them, it is essential to educate children about both national and international literature and history.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
argued that it is more necessary for students to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
than the global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the teaching of national novels and historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
is essential, studying the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
, culture and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

The main reason why covering aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is necessary is that it develops
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
patriotism. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
of Vietnamese third-graders, pupils have a chance to read the fairy tale about Thanh
Possible spelling mistake found.
Giong
. In this way, they can understand how Vietnamese heroes protected the nation from invaders and the challenges that our ancestors faced in the past.
As a result
, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
at primary school age will always feel grateful for their ancestors’ contributions to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Therefore
, they will
be inspired
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
efforts to contribute to the development of Vietnam.

The teaching of foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
also
plays a vital role in the curriculum. Learning about international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
that took place around the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
students to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their knowledge and develop global citizenship at an early age. When they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
about Western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
, they can realize the cultural differences between Vietnam and other parts of the world.
In addition
, early exposure to foreign novels and historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
preparation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
ability to integrate with outside the world.
For example
, when they have chances to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
abroad or work for an international organization, they can adapt to new surroundings
easily
and avoid culture shocks.

In conclusion
, in order to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
patriotism and ensure a bright future for them, it is essential to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about both national and international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is more important to teach children the literature and history of their own country, rather than the literature and history of other countries. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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