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Some people believe that taxing companies, which cause it, is the best way to reduce industrial pollution while some suggest that there are several other ways to solve this trouble. Discuss both the views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people believe that taxing companies, which cause it, is the best way to reduce industrial pollution while some suggest that there are several other ways to solve this trouble. v. 2
One of the situation of healthcare is that humans are living longer and expectations are enhancing. On this development adverse effects are taking place over the benefits too, however advantages always overweights them. By the discovery in science, health protection sector is growing more and more benefits. Advanced treatments are developed for chronic disease which save the life of most of the patients. There are many life saviours examples in medical fields such as heart transplants, which is helpful for heart patients, liver implants, surgeries so on. Medical responsibility has gotten so much advancement by which can regrow the whole organs and can give the new life who is going to die. To get benefit of medical treatments, the government is giving various welfare to poor people so that their disease can be treated. Furthermore, due to environmental problems, many diseases are developing which is served by advanced methods. In a recent case, one of a respiratory disease is spreading in all over the world, however scientist will find cure for sure. Advancement has enhanced in that way which leads to the major problem of populations from all over the world. Due to advanced health responsibility side effects are taking place in the body, such as chemotherapy in cancer treatment which is very hard to tolerate. In conclusion, I would say, one coin has both sides, a good and second one is bad. So health care is advantageous and disadvantageous too. However benefits bit the disadvantages, which is a positive point about the medical field.
One of the situation of healthcare is that humans are living longer and expectations are enhancing. On this development adverse effects are taking place over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
too,
however
advantages always
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweights
them.

By the discovery in science, health protection sector is growing more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
. Advanced treatments
are developed
for chronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
which save the life of most of the patients. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
life
Possible spelling mistake found.
saviours
examples in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
fields such as heart transplants, which is helpful for heart patients, liver implants, surgeries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Medical
responsibility has gotten
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much advancement by which can regrow the whole organs and can give the new life who is going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
treatments, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is giving various welfare to poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
can
be treated
.
Furthermore
, due to environmental problems,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
are developing which
is served
by advanced methods. In a recent case, one of a respiratory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
is spreading in all over the world,
however
scientist will find cure for sure.

Advancement has enhanced in that way which leads to the major problem of populations from all over the world. Due to advanced health responsibility side effects are taking place in the body, such as chemotherapy in cancer treatment which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to tolerate.

In conclusion
, I would say, one coin has both sides, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and second one is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
health care is advantageous and disadvantageous too.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
bit the disadvantages, which is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
point about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
field.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people believe that taxing companies, which cause it, is the best way to reduce industrial pollution while some suggest that there are several other ways to solve this trouble. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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